Hey, hey Homo sapiens, canines, reptiles and all others who look like you belong in the animal kingdom, how’s it hangin’?
If you’re a fella and you say that it’s hangin’ low, please forgive me if I don’t believe you. I’m asking that you email your photographic evidence to LauRenxExCarter@googlewave.com [that’s right, I got it. Ha.] and let me be the judge. (I’m joking…not.) And if you’re a lady who says its’ hangin’ low your way…my goodness woman! Have you not heard of a bra? Sheesh.
As for the kid, I just got out of my ortho appointment and am currently on the bus doing 45 in a 35 zone. I’m also waterlogged like shxt due to the rain and the wind that killed my smiley face umbrella. [Insert sad face…here =( ] I’m also getting more and more annoyed with every passing second, tight as hell that I’m on the CATA with the unshaven, unwashed and unclean masses of Michigan’s capital city. Other than that, I’m watching this man drool in his toothless slumber as we hit every pothole on one of Lansing’s busiest streets on the way back downtown to the bus station. I honestly don’t know whether to be disgusted or mildly amused as I watch line after line of spittle fall from his mouth onto his hand.
Hmm…I just decided that I’m mildly dismused right now and shall continue to be that way unless his drool happens to land on me, my person or my possessions. If that happens, homeboy can expect a decidedly rude awakening from me and my 15.4 inch Dell Inspiron 1525 goin’ upside his head. And y’all know me, it’ll be an oops, upside his head.
“Dismused” is a combination of disgust and amusement in case you were feeling slow, and it’s alright if you are today. It’s Friday and not only that, it’s the Friday of Halloween weekend. I’m sure that there are those of you who are rejoicing that you can leave your houses without makeup on tomorrow night and still be accepted by society at large. If I needed makeup to survive like some of y’all
*smug side-eye because I’m mildly attractive without any assistance from MAC, L’Oreal, or Maybelline*
I’d jump on the chance to be able to go out without any on. Maybe that’s just Ren though.
Y’all know how much I dislike people right? Actual People that is, I love Theoretical People with the same passion and verve that I love Him. Actual People though, I have no love for most of them and the ones that I do have love for are the ones that have Theoretical Person traits. But that’s a different discussion for a different blog, let me get back to this loud ass, bottom feedin’ heffa who’s itchin’ to get laptop whipped.
To put it out there, I don’t know this bxtch and she don’t know Ren, but I know of her and from the shxt that she’s talkin’ right now, she knows of me too. And based on the way that she’s talkin’ out the side of her neck, she doesn’t like me. This is the look I’m givin’ her right now
Look here bxtch, you don’t know Ren and you for
sure don’t know LauRen Elizabeth so don’t get shxt twisted and end yo’ big headed, small boob, no assed, red Kool-Aid colored weave and blue contacts wearin’ self put in the hospital. Tryin’ to get buck at the back of the bus, bah. Like I said BXTCH you don’t know me. I don’t like to fight so I don’t. However, it won’t be a fight if I give you a quick right to the jaw and a left to your throat. Get on my damn nerves.
Don’t you hate when people try to talk shxt on the low like you’re stupid? She’s up there sayin’
”Yeah, I’ll beat that bxtches ass then take her laptop.”
Um…hello. I’m the only muhfxcka on this bus with a laptop out ho. Don’t let the Skull Candy’s fool you, I hear everything that you’re sayin’ right now. Stupid cow.
All this is over some guy.
A guy who doesn’t want her based on the amount of time that he’s spent calling yours truly.
A guy that Ren doesn’t want because um…he’s a Lansing nigga. Y’all know how I feel about Lansing niggas. Besides that, his game is like Checkers. I’m a Grand Wizard at Chess compared to that shxt so the game is already over.
Jesus be a
n electric fence around this silly dog faced trick.
Anywho, I’m just about done wit’ this one, let me throw on these tracks of the day and be out until the next post.
First up, we have an oldie but goodie from my childhood. “The Color of Music” by Color Me Badd off of the Mickey Unrapped CD. Google it, don’t feel like linkin’ y’all. I won’t enable your laziness all the time. Sheesh.
the other one is “Chocolate” ft. Emmanuel Kerry by the boys of DeepSpace.
Big ups to Doctor Dell—lmaoo—for turnin’ me on to them.
On that note, I’m gone.