Just So You Know; You’ll Never Know

Happy Birthday Auntie Ria and Leema Bean!

The blogger formally (and currently) known as Ren is not in a good gotdang mood right now.
Saturday night or Sunday morning, the space bar on my laptop broke and I was forced to resort to this to perform basic typing tasks on my my personal computer.  Earlier today, the charger to said laptop said “bxtch, I quit you” and committed suicide before my very eyes.
It’s not that I’m mad that my laptop decided to hand me a figurative pink slip even though that puts a serious cramp in my plans. Nope. I have a three year warranty on that piece of shxt . What’s making me grind my teeth as I sit here at the family’s desktop computer is the fact that I’ll have to deal with these fxckfacedbastardtardmonkeynutswallowers (one word) at Dell. The last time I was on the phone with them it was for three hours, got bounced from one non-english speaking operator to the next and at the end of the call, my problem didn’t get resolved. Then today, I was told that they were closed and subsequently hung up on. Ugh. Fxckers.
Bet this shxt wouldn’t happen if I had a Mac.
Anyway, I’m irked as all hell right now so I’m not even going to jump through the usual hoops or ring or blow the bells and whistles. Don’t have time. I’m too busy plotting the destruction of Dell. So, get into it and peep the screen shots that I’ll be providing below.

♥

Extreme Boredom

 

plus Karma Kameleon

Equals this


 
I’ll be back with the story behind the whole BlackPlanet thing at a later date. I’m about to call Dell customer service again. Wish me luck.

♥

Just A Lil Somethin’

Yeah, it’s not a continuation of my last post and it’s not the letter that I’m about to write but here you godecided to shoot a vid

My Karma is Gon’ Send My Ass to Hell

First things first, I love Kamara like the little sister I’m fortunate enough to have never been blessed with but um…I hate her. A lot. For one thing, she’s rude, unnecessarily so. I told her how I’m trying out for the Jeopardy College Tournament—a dork I may be but I’m a dork who has the potential for to win the tourney and pay for school. Hate if you must—and she said somethin’ like:

“Imagine how awkward that’s gon’ look. Harvard, Yale…Lansing Community College”

Ugh. Always tryin’ to keep the yellow black (wo)man down. Ol' oppressive ass smh…

Anywho, along with being unnaturally rude, she’s evil on top of it all. I’m talkin’ the way I went in on Gifted [who tried to call me out on Twitter last night. Big. Fuckin’. Mistake.] evil. Multiplied by seven hundred and fifty five. Add a dash of holiness to that and a quarter cup of I don’t give a fuck, mix well, pop in the oven at 375 for 13 minutes or until golden brown and you have Kamara.

Or cupcakes, I don’t remember which.

*shrugs*

So, last night, I was trying to get her mind off of the dark-side of the moon—codename, don’t worry about it, he’s not important—so I sent her to one of my favorite websites You Know You Dead Azz Wrong because her commentary on the fuckery  is hilarious. I’ve been tryin’ to get her to comment on there but she’s bein’ a buster about it. Said she will if the spirit moves her. *rolls eyes* The spirit gon’ move her ass straight to hell and me along wit’ her for laughin’ so hard and being a willing participant in her nonsense.

I sent her to view episode 27 and this is her response.
↓↓↓
Karma: everyone bow ur heads & close ur eyes.

Me: *bows head and closes eyes*

Karma: Dear Heavenly Father

Me: *chimes in “Yes Lord”*

Karma: we thank you for waking us up this morning with GOOD sense

Me: Amen.

Karma: because CLEARLY you didn’t have to do it

Me: THANK YA! *sways right and left*

Karma: CLEARLY you coulda let us grow some long ridiculous nails which prevent us from wipin’ the asses you have blessed us with

Me: *hums*

Karma: and causing us to get infections and merciful father we just want to praise your holy name on today because YOU gave us our right mind

Me: ayshowntoishouldaboughtahonda

[Yes, I did take it there]

Karma: hahahahahahaha SHUT UP REN *clears throat*

Me: *bows head and snickers while closing eyes*

Karma: ANYWAY, you clothed us in our right minds while THIZZ HEFFA PAINTED EACH OF HER STANK NAILS A DIFFERENT COLOR FATHER IN THE NAME OF JESUS HALLELUJAH! AND THEN PROCEEDED TO WRAP HER GRIMY AZZ AROUND THAT TREE THAT YOU SO LOVINGLY CREATED TO MAKE THIS STANK AZZ PIC WE NOW SEE BEFORE US

Me: *falls out*

Karma: *someone covers you with that blanket-shawl thing* and in Jesus name we ask that you STRIKE THESE THOUGHTS FROM THE HEARTS OF NIGGAS

Me: *rolls around on the floor humming “Jesus Loves Me This I Know”*

Karma: So that we can act like we have some class, dignity && sense in Jesus name we pray, amen, amen, amen

Me: Amen.

Karma: if you would face the wall on both sides the ushers will direct you out from the rear

Me:  You do realize that we have first class seats on the plane to Hell

Karma: I’m the muthafuckin’ pilot

 

And everyone at church thinks she’s so sweet, innocent and good.

Bah.
♥