Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Check. Mate.

Try to slick a can of oil; who you think you foolin’?”
Let me break this down and put it in a format that you’ll understand:
you cannot play me; you will not win.
It is both impossible and improbable so I suggest you quit the utterly pointless, thoroughly unnecessary and all around tiring games. You’re far too old for this shit and I expected so much more from you. Hell, we both deserve more than what you’re currently givin’ and I can’t wait for the day that you finally get it together.
Not for me; oh no, I’m more concerned with you gettin’ it right for yourself.
But until that day comes, if you wanna play games? Fine; we can play. This isn’t checkers anymore, my King. You and I? We’re playing chess.
Don’t fuck around and lose your Queen.
-Leslie Elizabeth
excerpt from the THD’s

Five Point Two

Here we go, one more time…

Five Things I’ve Learned So Far This Week: Take Two

5) Teenagers are gonna be the death of me. They’re rude, offensive as all hell and I can’t be around them for long periods of time without wanting to take a power drill to the side of the dome. I’ll gladly acknowledge the fact that I have rude-ish tendencies more often than not but dammit, I’ve got nothin’ on these fxckers. Or is it they have nothing on me? Hmm…
4) I can almost paint the nails on my right hand—I’m a righty—as well as I can paint the ones on my left, but as I suck at painting my nails, take that as you may.
3) Karma-Karma-Karma-Karma-Karma Kameleon she comes and goes has all the makings of a power hungry dictator. She knows this and doesn’t seem to have a problem with it. In fact, I think she relishes this.
2) Even when it was wrong—especially when it was wrong—it was always right.
1) I was right I think and that knowledge neither fazes or pleases me. I’m not mad or anywhere close to being pissed off like I usually would be, nor am I sad. I’m strictly “eh” for the moment, gathering more information and staying neutral  in the mean time.

Recollections of a Rensomniac

Listen to my story and you’ll know just who the bastard is.”

The time is currently 2:14 AM and surprise, sureffinprise: I’m wide the eff awake. Once again. Ugh.
I don’t have time for this ish, yet here I am, Beethoven’s String Quartet in C, Op. 29 is playing softly on WQXR, there’s a liter of Deja Blue to the right of me and and a pencil complete with fresh bite-marks in my hand, scratching quietly along the page. I should be in my bed, snuggled up with my ferocious beast of a stuffed lion E, yet again, here I am.
I haven’t been able to fall asleep at a decent hour for the past three weeks or so. It’s either because I didn’t get to sleep until 6:45 one morning after staying up and out with The Bestie and The Toy until 5:00, or it’s because of what I discovered the morning before that. Long story short:
Bitches and those who should know better kill me with the shit they do and the pointless lies they tell.
If you feel the need to lie about a situation, not once, not twice but multiple times? To someone who knows and accepts the real you, no matter what you do? You know what you’re doin’ is wrong.
…but I’m not goin’ there, not tonight. Let me throw up these tracks of the day and be out until next post.
First up is QuESt yes, again. He’s one of my favs, what can I say? with the P.ersonal assisted track

one of my favorite selections from WMRB?

Next is Personal with
Lose Tonight

from his upcoming “Sydney in Theory” EP
I’m lovin’ the alternative-hip hop feel of this track. He managed to fuse two of my favorite genres of music and create a more progressive sound with help from lyrics like

I’m more ‘bout myself, I am on my own shit…
pricked from the thorns of the grapevine
a rose that emerged from the concrete stone
a stick of dynamite, the thought that I’d be blown
they don’t even know the shit my mind be on…

Last, but most certainly not least is
Exhibit Q

Which is, if you hadn’t already guessed, QuESt’s take on Jay Elechanukkah Jay Electronica’s instant classic “Exhibit C”.
QuESt goes in, delivering lyrical promises like

And I ain’t goin’ nowhere
nickname ‘Tattoo’
Stick this game to save my heart
that’s why they call me John Q

over the Just Blaze crafted beat. 
Listen closely, he’s got quotables for days.  

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Five Point One

I’m not absentminded; I just happen to be tardy.”

I’m doin’ somethin’ a little different this time around. Somethin’ that I actually see myself stickin’ with unlike a few of the other things I’ve done here in past posts.
The other day, I was acquainting myself with my new follower @Mo_Rease on Twitter when in between talkin’ smack about Caillou to my big sis I decided to check out his website link and came across his blog, Stumbling and Rumblings. One of the first entries that I came across was a “Five Things post written by the hilarious @ameriQan
Long story short, I like the idea of the five things posts and have decided to adopt it for use on The (Infamous) Life, so without further ado, let’s get into it.

Five Things I’ve Learned So Far This Week…

5) Lies hurt more than the truth ever could.
4) My main mp3 player is sexually deprived or something to that effect because damn. Out of the 1500 songs I currently have on my Sony Walkman fxck your iPod, nobody cares it’ll only play the ones relating to sex when I put it on shuffle past midnight. *rolls eyes*
3) I walk a very thin line between “just a tad bit annoyed” and “pissed the effyouseekayoheffeff” on a daily basis.
2) One of the guys that I used to talk to is going prematurely bald and the thought of his new “wifey” rubbing Rogaine into his scalp before making an appointment at the nearest Bosley Medical amuses me to no end.
1) You can try to run from your commitments, your past and your future. You may even try to run from those that love you the most, but no matter how hard and how fast your run? You’ll never be able to escape yourself.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

I Wanna Be Where You Are(n’t)

“Y’all can’t fade me; y’all need Ambi”

This is gonna sound hella random—even to my standards and y’all know how I do—but I have a question: am I the only one who’s ever wanted to light a match near someone who smells like they’ve bathed in their cologne/body spray/perfume/etc.? Ya know, just to see if they might catch on fire or spark or somethin’ to that effect?
Oh…you haven’t? I guess it’s just another one of thoseNo LauRen/Elle/Ren, it’s just you, sweetie” type things then, huh?
Oh. Well.
The person that was sitting behind me when I went to go see Iron Man 2 yesterday smelled like the inside of a knock-off perfume factory was lucky that I didn’t have my lighter on me. Would’ve left her as a mound of imitation Chanel no. 5 scented ashes. Fxckin’ wit’ my olfactory senses for two hours, bish…
I’m jokin’; sheesh. Lighten up.
But I digress.
Ya girl is currently chillin’ out, maxin’, relaxin’ all bored like on the couch, watching an episode of Criminal Minds and vibin’ to QuESt’s “Where’s My Rhymebook?” mixtape, takin’ a break from doing something mildly pathetic. Which I’m not going into at the moment, but, if you care—and I strongly doubt you do—the details will emerge over the course of the next six months so…yep.
I'm gonna keep this one short because I have other writing to do so, let’s get it.

I hate…
I’m sure that Robert L. Johnson’s intentions were good to better than great when he founded Black Entertainment Television. Positive of that in fact. However, his dream has turned into a nightmare for the Black community. The stereotypes that are portrayed on the network are shameful at best and among the most degrading insults that we as a culture have to deal with. This network and its parent company Antichrist and Illumanati, LLC Viacom delight in showing our people in both a stereotypical and negative light and honestly? The fact that there are people who delight in the coonish—oh yes, I did say coonish—antics and gimmicks that have become synonymous with all things BET irritates and, on a deeper level, saddens me.

See, I told you it would be short.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

It’s Just Those “Rainy Dayz”

Smile; give me reason to keep believin’ that everything ain’t deceivin’…

This is a perfect day for music and reflection on any and everything from life to romance and relationships, past and present, so, I won’t sit here and try to blog you to death. I’ll post these rain-related tracks and be out.
First up is
“Go Ahead in the Rain”

from A Tribe Called Quest off of their People’s Instinctive Travels and the Paths of Rhythm album.

Next is
“Dancing in the Rain”

off of Blu and Exile’s Below the Heavens

Switching gears and heading in a more R&B direction I have the aptly named

by Razah

”Summer Rain”

by Carl Thomas

and finally 
“Rainy Dayz”

by Mary J. Blige and Ja Rule

The Merry, Merry Month of May


It would be just like the “great” *side-eye* State of Michigan to go and get an old adage flipped, twisted and confused:
April showers bring May flowers.
This isn’t even your average, run of the mill type rain either. No ma’am, no girl. This is that make it look like 7 PM in the middle of the Fall at 10:30 AM on a Spring day rain. This is the kind of rain that will laugh at you and your little punk ass umbrella before destroying it then moving on to its next victim. This is that rain that you hope and pray doesn’t fall from the sky after you spent the money that was supposed to go toward your rent on a new hairdo type rain. The kind of rain that will team up with the leaky faucet in your place of residence to create a drip-drip-drop-drip-drop-drip cadence designed to make you go insane.This is the kind of rain that ruins all things nursery rhyme and old-timey song.
Think about it.
If it continues to rain like this? There will be no way to stroll through the park one day in the merry, merry month of May so you can forget being taken by surprise by a pair of eyes, roguish or otherwise. You’ll be too busy tryin’ to make sure that your umbrella doesn’t fall the eff apart, which sucks for you Billy Boy, Billy Boy. How will you find out if this young thing, who happens to be  3 x 6, 4 x 7,  28 +11 *side eye from the pits of a geriatric hell cuz this bish ain’t young at all* , knows what to do on a Bicycle meant for two?
Exactly. You won’t.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Ten (Plus Five) Things I Hate About You

You can call it Hell, but bruh, I just say I’m “Below the Heavens”

Surprise, surprise: I’m still in that choke, cut, defenestrate, disembowel and otherwise maim you” mood that I was in earlier due to the chorus line of muhfxckas doin’ the Cupid Shuffle on the very last of my good nerves. While these fools insist on irritating me with their nonsense, drama and bullshxt and walkin’ it by themselves on my poor, frazzled nerves, I’m trying to remain that happy, calm, sweet individual that I know I have the potential to be. But guess what? Shxt ain’t workin’ for me so bump it.
Let’s get into this one, shall we?

Fifteen Things I Abhor, Dislike, Despise, Can’t Stand and Generally “Hate”

15) Public Transportation—More Specifically, The CATA and The People Who Ride It
The Capital Area Transportation Authority is the premier uh…authority when it comes to transporting Lansing’s residents all over the city. Which is all fine, dandy and peachy effin’ keen for those of us without a license and/or car like yours truly. However, the unclean masses I could do without. I’ve been spit on, damn near peed on and no, it wasn’t by a baby drooled on and harassed while tryin’ to get to wherever the heck I was going at one time or another.
I don’t know what it is, but there is something about the CATA that makes niggas act a gotdang reckless fool when it comes to approaching ladies such as myself. I’ve had dudes take my headphones out of my ears to try and spit their shamefully weak game at me and lawd, that’s not even half of the reckless ish I’ve had to deal with, but I’ve got fourteen more annoyances to list so…

14)  Unnecessarily Loud People
If my volume is at 25 while blasting Onyx’s “Slam” through my Skull Candy’s and I can hear yo’ loud ass from way across the room, we’re gonna have a problem. There is absolutely no reason that I can think of for a human being to be that gotdang loud. None. At. All. This is unacceptable and every time I encounter an obnoxiously loud person in a quiet setting like the library, I entertain thoughts of silencing them with a a roundhouse kick to the jugular while making angry eyes at them from wherever it is I happen to be sitting.

13)  People Who Try to Talk to Me When I’m Listening to Music or Have My Headphones In
I mean really. Headphones mean “don’t fxck with me”, why don’t people understand this and insist on attempting to carry on a conversation? The whole purpose of me spending $15 a pop on a pair of Skull Candy’s is so I don’t have to listen to the world at large.
Don’t interrupt me while I’m ignoring you, that’s rude.

12) Lansing, Michigan
Point blank: I hate it here. There’s less than nothing left for me here and the day I make my escape can’t come soon enough. Where am I going? No clue yet. My heart lives in Cali, but who knows? *shrugs sadly*

11) My Family
Y’all know I couldn’t write this without mentioning these fxckers I said it out of love, shut up at least once. Now, before you go about getting it flipped, twisted and three kinds of confused, let me explain. I love my family, I really do. Especially the members of said family that I don’t see on the reggy. My peeps from Arkansas, Detroit, the DMV and Chicago? Yeah, love ‘em to death. The immediate fam though? No, hell no.
I still love ‘em but I hate to be around them. No one can push your buttons like your fam can and mine are fond of jumping on mine with the things they do and say. You all think I’m evil? That’s nothin’. You should see the stock that I’m sprung from. You’ll be calling me St. Ren of the Light Skin after spending a day with Sperm and Egg.

10) Vevo
Vevo is the worst thing to happen to YouTube since Chris Crocker. ‘Nuff said.

9) People Who Eat Loudly
What the effing eff man, really? Tell me, how do you eat cotton candy loudly and why  do you insist on doing so?

8) People Who Don’t Shut Up
Ecclesiastes, chapter 3, verse 7b
“A time to keep silence and a time to speak”
Do yourself a favor and learn when these times are. Please and thank you.

7) DirecTV
Any television provider that doesn’t have MTV Jams or VH1 Soul is the devil, plus, we don’t get the CW even though we pay for it which means no Supernatural for me. Oh, and their “On Demand”? Deffy a lie. It doesn’t count if you have to wait for the program to download smh.
I miss Comcast =/

6) People
Self explanatory.

5) Most Females
Bxtches man…can’t stand ‘em.
Just last week, this girl hit me up with some bullshxt that I really didn’t need in my life and if she weren’t so far away, I’d find her and kick her ass. Bxtches need to know their roles and not act above their stations in life and relationships. Like one of my favorite creations E. Marie Juliet St. James says,
"You're not his leading lady; you're just an understudy. Know your role. Ho."

4) Guys Who Are Obsessed With My Bottom Lip
A week is not complete until and unless some guy, random or otherwise, makes some out of the way comment about molesting my bottom lip.
Look, I appreciate the fact that my face has one redeeming quality and the fact that you’re attracted to it, but when I get comments like
I wanna suck on yo’ bottom lip”
I want those lips wrapped around my dick”
on pictures like the one below?
11-22-09--Nana's Bathroom 
Yeah. We have an issue on our hands that can only be resolved by me stabbing you in the arm with the first sharp object I can get my hands on.

3) My Boobs
See this?
Oh, yeah...I've got an embarassing scar under my lip. I hate it.
My Happy Bunny hoodie won’t zip up all the way due to the size of my breasts. I’ve got cleavage to die for, but still.

2) Being Lied to Unnecessarily
I’ll admit that there have been times where I’ve been fooled in the past, but for the most part, I know when I’m being lied to and I hate the fact that certain people feel the need to do so. Out of all the people in the world, I’m the one that they can be completely honest with without fear of being judged and they know that, so I take the fact that they’re lying to me to mean that they’re lying to themselves as well. You don’t have to do that; there’s no need.

1)  People Who Think I’m Stupid
I may not be the brightest crayon in the figurative box but I can assure you, I’m far from stupid. Just because you don’t see me acting in what you perceive to be an intelligent manner doesn’t mean that my intelligence is subpar to yours or anyone else’s.
I’ve come to learn that it’s not always about acting intelligently, it’s about finding a way to make your intelligence work in a way that will suit and benefit you best. So if that means acting “stupid” then so be it.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Downtown Friday Nights

Fly’s what I encompass; peep my direction.

I have no clue when y’all will see this because of my effed up Internet connection btw, I hate you AT&T. Fxckers. but it’s 10:07 PM, Friday, May 7th. Take a guess as to where The (Infamous) One is. Go ahead, it’ll be fun. You may even get it right.
What’s that? You think I’m at a screening of Iron Man 2? Yeah…no.
I’m broke as hell, don’t have a ride even if I did have the money to go see it and I don’t feel like being bothered by any of my jump-off’s bxtches ho’s guy friends at the moment. Nope, the blogger formerly and currently known as Elle Carter is sprawled smack dab in the middle of her—that is to say my—living room, the boy-bandy sounds of NSYNC blaring in my Sharper Image headphones.
Suffice it to say, I’m not in the mood for bullshxt. But of course you know that some has inevitably found yours truly which annoys the hell outta me and dammit, I’m cravin’ a drink. Which is bad. I don’t drink enough to feel like I need one because, y’know, it’s all illegal and shxt , but dammit if a Sparkling Limon-limeade or two. Fxck it, three doesn’t sound good right now.
Oh, by the way…
Sparkling Limon-limeade

♥ Sunkist Sparkling Lemonade
♥ Bacardi Limon
♥ Lime juice
♥ Lemon
♥ Sugar for optional sugared rim

Add a double shot of Bacardi Limon to, a splash of lime juice and a twist of lemon to six (6) ounces of Sunkist Sparkling Lemonade. Stir. Garnish with a slice of lemon. Enjoy.

Ugh. Now I really want one.

Ooh Baby; It’s Rainin’

The sun will come, this we know for sure…can you stand the rain?

It’s another one of those days y’all.
The rain falling on my roof is pitter-patterin’, drip-droppin’ and drivin’ me insane. Not only has said rain effed up my wireless signal but it’s also interfering with DirecTV’s satellite signal and Steel Magnolias was just getting good. Dammit.
Other than that and being too lazy to get up and dump the rain water that’s accumulated in the bucket in the middle of my living room, I’m coolin’, listenin’ to music. I finished a couple of boutonnieres and corsages for The Bestie’s Lil Bro’s prom a little while ago
peep it out
I used alstromeria, roses, rose petals and rose leaves on this particular one.

Roses, alstromeria, purple statice and rose leaves. I ended up changing this design after someone *side eye to Tia* tweeked it a lil too much and it fell apart, only thing is, I don't have any pix. I'll have to jack one of Harry's prom pix so y'all can see how it turned out 

and they just picked ‘em up before they went to go do whatever it is that you do before prom, I didn’t go to either one of mine so eh.
I’m almost bored enough to explain why I didn’t attend either one of the ridiculously overpriced dances thrown for the junior and senior classes of my alma mater, but guess what? I don’t want to. Nobody wants to hear about my sperm-donor with selective benefits daddy issues, my future therapist is gonna get an earful soon enough, but until then or until I get bored, pissed off or dunk enough to start blabbin; my secrets, I’m gonna throw up these tracks of the day and be the eff out.
First up is
Can You Stand the Rain?”

by New Edition

And lastly is
Do You Remember the Rain?”

by one of my favorite up and coming artists, QuESt off of his Distant Travels Into Soul Theory project which was one of the better releases of 2009. 
Not only does the song go with the rain theme of this post, but I’ve been here before; I can relate.
Losing the one that you love—the one person that you would give it all up for if they asked, the one that you see yourself spending the rest of your life with—to someone else is one of—if not the most heartbreaking things that you can ever go through. You cry; ask yourself if it’s your fault that the relationship went wrong and how you can fix it and…
If you’ve never experienced this, count yourself lucky, but sit back and take a moment to listen to the sounds of heartbreak. Remember that pain and don’t you ever put another person through that if you can help it.
If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be hopping off of my improvised soapbox now, might even make a call to my duder Soap. Hmm…maybe not, might txt him though.
I’m out.