The Merry, Merry Month of May

 

It would be just like the “great” *side-eye* State of Michigan to go and get an old adage flipped, twisted and confused:
April showers bring May flowers.
Gotdangit.
This isn’t even your average, run of the mill type rain either. No ma’am, no girl. This is that make it look like 7 PM in the middle of the Fall at 10:30 AM on a Spring day rain. This is the kind of rain that will laugh at you and your little punk ass umbrella before destroying it then moving on to its next victim. This is that rain that you hope and pray doesn’t fall from the sky after you spent the money that was supposed to go toward your rent on a new hairdo type rain. The kind of rain that will team up with the leaky faucet in your place of residence to create a drip-drip-drop-drip-drop-drip cadence designed to make you go insane.This is the kind of rain that ruins all things nursery rhyme and old-timey song.
Think about it.
If it continues to rain like this? There will be no way to stroll through the park one day in the merry, merry month of May so you can forget being taken by surprise by a pair of eyes, roguish or otherwise. You’ll be too busy tryin’ to make sure that your umbrella doesn’t fall the eff apart, which sucks for you Billy Boy, Billy Boy. How will you find out if this young thing, who happens to be  3 x 6, 4 x 7,  28 +11 *side eye from the pits of a geriatric hell cuz this bish ain’t young at all* , knows what to do on a Bicycle meant for two?
Exactly. You won’t.
♥

The Return of The Ren and Tia Show

I just rewatched this for the third time and…lmao, we’re a mess.

No lengthy introduction, just a video shot with the bestie and directly uploaded to Vimeo. The YouTube link will be up soon, as will the second part to our madness

♥

How Do Ya Make Somethin’ So Easy So Complicated?

Hey there humans and human impersonators, how art thou and…yeah, I don’t feel like wasting my brilliance on y’all by coming up with an introduction, so I’m gonna let this shxt speak for itself.

Literally.

I decided to fxck around wit’ Google Voice this morning out of extreme boredom, so I left myself a few vmails to embed on the blog. Take a listen to me ramble aimlessly then peep the translation that Google was kind enough to provide me with.

♥

And it and I was going on what it is really look like I'll be made to know what I did there at the posted for that they have a regular basis. If you are over in and right now I'm just bored at home taking a break a quick break from us bedding from the final 8 of the M's and wanted to move around them to. Anyway, there, I'm a ex so I just decided to do that because I have a set of video in a while, and I'd see if you are now. But one might hear it. But see you and I don't, so I'm trying to make my camera worked long enough to do that so. 3. I'm not doing it. Okay so yet. Ford and my just around doable voice and but some more. I did okay yeah get the M. Right now I see why people say that you need to come down a lot. Anyway, there's no point of this month so I don't even know if I'm going to use it, but on the 10th avenue hi and yes okay i'm i'm. I'm done I'm done. I think it's now I don't think I am actually and then two questions lessons. Yes, this is whether I talked to my cellphone at routine in regular basis. Don't have questions because I don't have any a quick break so we see it, anything up. It was I. Dan, I want to let me know yeah, and I think them done. I think maybe that mister. Now i got nothing but now I think you know no. Okay, I'm babysit.

 

Yeah, Google didn’t get any better wit’ the translation. Observe.

Hey there, You analyze how goes it. If you are in and right now. I'm basically just really really really really really bored right now. So I decide to try and set so mike avoid in letting out in and this is like, well, okay, it's just me bring myself avoid because I've really kinda sad to think about this is for nothing else, because it's going on blocks anyway, this is the show people that if you leave me avoid smell on my google voice number and you say something out the way in does come out the side of your neck with some. I will not hesitate to post this on my blog and put you on what I've without a person, and I am. I'm tired of being nicer up and get and the metro. Despite what you may think I would. You may have heard the site all that but so yes, I'm bored, you might expect. Well you know you times ice. Maybe you should expect more info. Audio blogs and when that because I don't feel like trying to get my camera still Workman enough to shoot a video and I'm leaving like that. So, I mean if you can use that they're here in talk on the phone 6. So whether there's a lot but yeah so, is there anything hey it's shattering or special War you need. Gore anything that I would like to bring up at the moment you know now. I didn't have a fantastic am island get. This is with that top. That's a leave. Yeah I might think that I don't talk the way that I write on my blog, but when I feel like it. I do so my part. I'm really quite Britain. I'm line with it, but I am quite, but I did talk with those a lot if I know you and when that as well. You don't talk, too, because I don't know this is whether I talked and this is leave that up and everything like that, but I decide. That's it, the check but please note that they're anything but i'm crazy because I'm not. I'm just a little and will and right now. You can tell. Ha ha. Okay, I really think that I should like quite before I d something or say something. That's, like, really, really, really, really, really save it. Well thank you it. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you very much already back. So yes, is just like that talking now but I can't. I mean I can be done with it. It's me, yes. Hey, I'm gonna grab a box. I think project. Yeah, I think I meant. I think. And yeah i'm down. Hi, Okay, I'm gonna be, but I was or.

Yeah…I know. I was bored. Forgive me. Here’s the last one.

Hey Sam people. How goes it to go over in hey. Right now I'm bored. I'm trying to mess up to come down because I've tried to do this like 3 times already and I just labeled on and on and on and on it on him. A message that I West End. Thank you and that's about anyway. And yeah, it was like listening to one of my blog post, times 4 and at it yet. Are you know that's let me know that if you get that, but at the out because you know anyone come at the what the F black airport. Yeah, exactly, so anyway he could. Yeah, I'm just boy. I just wanted to do a little quick audio blog because I can't do my my videos at the moment because of my camera and so yeah, there's nothing special going on this Lane say when I'm too i'm bored. I'm Hungry Stay, and I'm trying to do the white decide about what the cost would like to bring me breakfast because I feel like cooking right now. You know how that is great, like you're hungry, but you know with that they will be so much easier to just called money and have them bring you yet, but the thing is, the people that I could call the bringing my breakfast. Hi exactly like I don't have time to meet you, which is weird because I keep dealing with. Please make it on everything. Thank you, basis. That's it for some reason it's not the right way, Hi Dylan, one-on-one see when I'm bored, which is the routine and like you later thank you going to happen. Yeah, I have no clue what up on the saying little voice vote coming up in about a home for you about things about so at least I think all the time is of the from going on and on mon. Although I did. We walked in about the fact that because I don't want to do that. So, hit it yet. I guess that is an appointed as one just before. So yeah, you know heading on this one like you do on my blog since let me know that they'd ever you know, leave me what time it let you know Sandra Sandra you saw that you know whatever food I could you Tuesday. But don't feel like thinking of ones. Okay, so I'm about to be like cut off and I think I don't know what the dell mate some pancakes and bacon for breakfast because I wouldn't have to be willing to think it was 2 family in the morning and need to have one side. If not, so to the next time. Yeah post and replace pretty soon. And yeah like.

I guess that I’ll have to come up with scripts or cue-cards and shxt the next time I do this lol.

♥

Where’s the Figgy Pudding Bxtch?

Hey there Saturday night sinners and Sunday morning fakers saints, how be thee? Are ya feelin’ particularly saved, sanctified and filled wit’ the Holy Ghost after you uploaded the pix of  your drunken and/or high adventures at the club last night to FaceBook this morning before you went to Sunday School?  You are?

Good to know.

How be’s me? Eh, I’m aight. Know what, eff it, I am effin’ fantastical right now! Ya girl is currently sittin’ in the car outside of the Meridian Mall’s Younkers, still high off of the shopping that I just did.
I got this cute little short skirt, this adorable white blouse and a black one that compliments my inherent sexiness, some black zippered leggings, a black sweater, three pairs of hobo gloves, two pairs of pants a necklace and some other accessories…

For $25!

Let me hear a woot woot for awesome discounts and the awesome staff at The Avenue!

Me heart thee, yes I does, mmhmm.

Anyway, let’s get into this one y’all. It’s a re-up and edit of my last post with my commentary and a bit of backstory. Maybe a screen shot here and there, who’s to say?

♥

Ah, Google Voice. Easily one of the best inventions those geniuses at Google have ever created. Way better than that Google Wave bullshxt at any rate. It’s boring as shxt unless you have a bunch of people to Wave with and speaking of which, I have three invites left sitting in my inbox. If you want one, drop me a blog comment with your email addy and I’ll send you one. Seeing as none of y’all enjoy leaving me blog comments, I’ll probably just randomly send these invites out to random people. But I digress.

Google Voice is awesome y’all--let me take this time out to thank my duder Drewski for sending me the invite. Ren appreciates you Drew (=. Google gave me a new number for free and with that free number comes free SMS (txt) messaging and free long distance. So…cheah.

Last night, I was deleting all…erm, most of the dirty pictures that find their way into my email and txting people from my GV number when I get a message from Kentonathan—one of my nicknames for him…

K:  Punk   12:33 AM

*sigh*
Me: whatchu want nicca. and iAm NOT a punk 12:34 AM
K: O its like that? What I want? And u was supposed to call me back punkl 12:35 AM 
Me: uh...yeah, it is. Got a problem? AND I FELL ASLEEP FOO'! Sheesh. Dang. Geez. Peanuts. All that. 12:36 AM
K: Don't be gettin smart with me,and u didn't fall asleep, u went to sleep fool lol am I bothering u? 12:37 AM
Me: dont be tryin to get buck in a txt message. I'll punch you in the face when you take me to the movies then make u buy me popcorn. And SO?? 12:38 AM

Oh, yeah. Kentasia is taking me to a movie. In fact, he’s taking me to two of them.

Me: Why you always callin' so late nicca? Hmph. And not yet lmao 12:39 AM
K: Ain't nobody gettin buck, u started nigga 12:39 AM

K: Been busy allday I got a head ache, and u ain't been on aim all day foo and what u mean not yet? Lol whateva 12:40 AM
Me: You ARE gettin' buck! And im about to finish this shxt too. Whatchu gon' do? Nigga. 12:41 AM
K: U ain't gon finish shit, u started somethin u can't finish like always lol 12:41 AM

*rolls eyes* son knows not what he speaks of. I finish what I start. Excluding those 23 Days…*cough* moving on.

Me: iAint start shxt. You...ugh *kicks the neighbors Pomeranian puppy* 12:42 AM

ah, yeah, that’s a running thing wit’ me. Sometimes, certain people annoy you so much that you just need to take out your aggressions on something so cute it’s sick. And, before any of you try and call those fxcktards that stand for the ethical treatment of animals, I am indeed joking. I can’t kick puppies, that’s just rude. Now a kitten on the other hand…

K: Lmao poor puppy, u r mean! 12:44 AM
Me: iDont give a gotdamn! And SOOOOO? Hmph. 12:44 AM
K: Stop bein mean b4 I put u in a headlock and give u a noogie 12:45 AM
Me: you. wouldn't. dare. 12:46 AM
K: O yes I would hehehe 12:47 AM
Me: then prepare to get that ass whooped in the worst fashion, have it videotaped, put on YouTube then sent to all ur friends. 12:49 AM
K: Lmao riiite 12:49 AM

…he thought I was joking.

K: Whateva u ain't gon do nuthin but take that noogie like the champ u r lol, what u doin? 12:50 AM
Me: riiiite is uh...right. And u can choke on a toe thinkin' that shxt. Nothin for the moment, takin' a break. u? 12:52 AM
K: I ain't chokin on nuthin lol. What u takin a break from? Just abt to lay down, tryna get rid of this headache 12:53 AM
Me: so u say. And workin' on my lesson plan for tomorrow. And take yo' self to bed 12:54 AM K: Oo ok I see, u take yo self to bed chump lol 12:56 AM
Me: good, ur eyes are open then. And no. Shut up 12:58 AM
K: Hush lol and ladies 1st 12:59 AM
Me: im not tired so...yerp 1:01 AM
K: So what, u need to sleep 1:02 AM
Me: not yet. Shut up. 1:04 AM
K: Yea yea yea , u shut up! Meanie! 1:05 AM
Me: *shuts up* 1:07 AM
K: Yea u betta, that's right! 1:08 AM

This person…

Me: *makes a rather rude hand gesture and sends it your way* 1:10 AM
K: Hmmm I wonder what that gesture was lol 1:11 AM
Me: it was rude. thats all u need to kno 1:11 AM
Kent: Whateva, u prolly flipped me off lol 1:12 AM
Me: Nope 1:13 AM
K: Gang signs? Lmao 1:13 AM
Me: dont worry about it. just kno iSent a signal. Buttons is on his way 1:16 AM
K: Who the hell is that? Lol buttons? Sounds like its nothing I can't handle lol 1:17 AM
Me: Buttons is my dwarf in steeltoed boots w/poison tipped spurs 1:20 AM

Oh, you mad you don’t have a semi-murderous dwarf on your team? Suck it the eff up and make due.

K: Lmfao damn, where the hell u be comin up with this stuff? Crazy! 1:20 AM
Me: ...who says it aint tru? And iAm not crazy 1:24 AM
K: Cuz its not fool, and u know it. U sure ur not? 1:25 AM
Me: Yeah, aight, when Buttons kicks in your door, don't say shxt. And positive 1:27 AM
K: Lol riiight, who says Buttons is going to even make it to the door? Ill pop is ass b4 he even makes it on the porch lol 1:28 AM
Me: Buttons says so. He just sent me a txt. iTold him you don't believe in him but still believe in Santa and he got pissed. You'll see. He ain't scared 1:29 AM
K: Lmao I don't believe in no damn fat ass white guy in a polyester red and white jump suit lol and he don't want it, trust me. U ain't gotta be scared to g 1:31 AM
K: et bust lol 1:31 AM
Me: Yes you do. You aint gotta lie. Your bro told me that you wait up in footy pj's every year for him and bake him cookies for scratch and that you're still 1:33 AM
Me: waitin' on that 10 speed that you've wanted since you were 10. iKno whats good. And Buttons said you can stop discriminating toward dwarves and he's really 1:34 AM
Me: gon' kick ya ass now. You've been warned 1:34 AM
K: Riiight that's a damn lie, what out 4 that lighning lol, and u don't even kno my bro. 1:34 AM
Me: Yeah. Uh huh. There is no lightning comin' mine way and SO? 1:35 AM
K: Lol I don't discriminate towards dwarves lol. And I had a 10 speed I don't need 1! Lol 1:36 AM
K: So if u don't know my bro, how could he tell u those lies? Duh lol and it will be, just wait lol 1:36 AM
Me: iTold Buttons that you did. And no you didnt. It was a 1 speed 1:37 AM
K: There I no such thing as a 1 speed fool, and F button! Tell him to come meet me in the square! Lol 1:39 AM
Me: yes there is. It's a bike. The speed is as fast as your feet go. Duh. And Buttons says "you don't want it wit' me nigga" and also that you're almost as short 1:42 AM
Me: as he is and wonders if you ever thought about being legally classified as a dwarf 1:42 AM

Buttons also said “this nigga don’t want it wit’ me, I’ll bust his head til’ the white meat shows”, but I didn’t mention this to Kentuckyfried—one word. He was scared enough as it is, didn’t wanna give him a heart attack. He still has to take me to a flick.

 

K: Wow ok, well my feet move way faster than "1" so I never had a "1" speed lol and ur the same height as me, so he should've asked u instead of me. 1:47 AM
Me: yeah, uh huh. And Buttons knows better than to start w/me. And I'm taller than you. 1:48 AM
K: Right, sure u r, well buttons should know not to start w/me then, cuz u sent him @ me cuz u can't handle me urself, so he should know, if he can't handle 1:50 AM
K: u, he def can't handle me 1:50 AM
Me: iAm. And iSend Buttons to handle my light work. So...take that how you will 1:53 AM

♥

That right there, my mixture of abrasive cuteness and all around weirdness, is the milkshake that brings the boys to the yard. I am like this on a routine and oh so regular basis with just about everyone, regardless of their gender. However, I’m even worse with the guys just because I can be. And they love it.

Ol’ masochistic…lol

♥

I’ve Been Gone For a Minute Now I’m Back Wit’ The Whaa?

Sorry, I was listening to "Jump Off" by Lil Kim and the face from the milk carton Mr. Cheeks when I thought up the title. Not that I’m tryin’ to explain myself to y’all. Who be ye knaves to me?

Twas a joke! Sheesh…

lol.

So anyway, I finally ended up shooting that video that I’ve been talkin’ about shooting for the longest. Actually, I’ve shot videos, tons of them in fact. I just haven’t uploaded any of them because I didn’t like the way that they turned out. But that’s neither here nor there at the moment.

Um…before I post the vid—because I know that no one is gonna want to read anything after they see my 8 minutes of nonsense lol—here’s the scoop on the weekly update. Which none of y’all knew anything about.

Until now.

Well, I go over it in the video briefly, but here’s the topics for last week:

I Sent Side-Eyes to the Sanctified Saturday Night Sinners and Sunday Morning Worshippers

Monday Meetings and Malarkey

Tuesday Temptations

Whacktastically Whack Whackness on Wednesday

A Thoroughly “eh” Thursday

A Fantastic End to a Fxcked Up Week Gets Fxcked Up By Foolishness on Friday

From the titles to mine days alone, tell me that wouldn’t be shxts and giggles for anyone over the age of 18 unless accompanied by a responsible adult. However, like I sad in the video. Y’all know how I write. Saturday night and Sunday morning alone were 4 hand written pages before I decided to stop and by the way? My hand writing isn’t big either. Just imagine the strain on your eyes and my fingers if I had decided to write out the whole week.

*shudders*

Um…anything else I wanna say before I post this vid and leave for mine meeting? Uh…

Oh yeah.

Be sure to check out Cam&&Essence. I haven’t updated their site in a while, but click the linkage and go check it out anyway. I myself think that it’s a pretty good read, but y’know…

I wrote it.

lol.

Alright, I’ve stalled long enough, let me post this video then vacate these premises

Isn’t my hair cute?

Oh…you don’t think so?

┌П┐(>_<)┌П┐

Just playin’ lol.

I’ll upload to You-Tube later. Maybe. Or I’ll just shoot a completely different one and delete this one

*shrugs*

I’m out.

You Know I Had to Do It Again Right?

I had to do it again…

That’s right, another video.

Now, I think that I was just a tad too hype when I was shooting a little while ago because every time I opened my mouth to speak, absolute gibberish would pop out. Which isn’t all that different than what usually happens when I open my mouth, but I was all over the place on those vids. Literally. There was one of me jumping up and down on my bed and another of me throwing ish around the room.

*shrugs*
Anyways, decided that I should only do shout outs and even that got out of hand smh.

[Vimeo link]

Oh yeah, download the track that's playin' in the background and check out everyone that I shouted out while you're at it

Torkalina Ballerina

Lil bro :D

Domo

The DMV Vixen

Tweekygirlbandit [1 word]

lil sis Polo

Big sis Lynn

[Dumb] Dizzy

The heffa who sat in my seat

[lol]

mi amor de mi vida

Before I hear any nonsense from some idiotard face that would cause me to go the eff off, I forgot people. Sheesh. There are a lot of y’all that get touched by my awesomeness. I’ll get you next time