Yeah, I took it there wit’ the
Out of the Box
Yeah, I took it there wit’ the
Out of the Box
So, my little sis Ashley—the rude one who leaves me the mean ass comments on my blog *side eye*—conned me into joining
and to be quite perfectly honest with you…I kinda hate it. Like I kinda hate Ash. Nah, I’m playin’, I love my little sister but I digress.
So, FaceBook—yes, I capitalize the “B” in “book” I don’t care if you like it or not. I’M NOT HERE TO PLEASE YOU! Nigga.—is like…app hell. And of all the one’s that I allow to have access to my account, the one that I use on the reggy is the “Questions of the Day” app.
I’m bored and I still haven’t finished the blog that I’ve been working on for the last day or so, so I’ll post my answers to today’s questions then get back to work on the introduction of my musical boyfriend number two—sorry Wale, lyrical soul-mate of mine you are but my mp3 player has been invaded by someone new. I still got love for ya though, you’re the only artist’s whose entire catalog I have on the mp3 player that I carry with me at all times and you’re the one that made me fall in love with DMV hip hop. But this new guy…—to mine blogosphere. So, without further ado…
Is music important to you?: Music is LIFE. Without it there is no Ren essentially
Is reading important to you?: Um...YEAH! iLove ...to read, it's fundamental after all
Do you watch the news daily?: iUsually do or at least iTry to
Do you check the weather daily?: This is Michigan, hex yeah iDo. It could be 80 one day and snowing the next, knowing the forecast is essential
Are you a nice person?: iAm a VERY nice person...like Neisha said "Sweet person meets salty world" bittersweet is the result so my niceness is tinged w/rudeness if you can't handle that you're a buster annd SO not worth my time
Fruit?: Strawberries and Oranges
Vegetable?: Um...carrots :D
Toolbar?: iDunno...iLike the Google toolbar and the Aim one too
Icon?: don't have one *shrugs*
Bible verse?: Phillipians 4:13
Have you Ever
feared the future?: Who hasn't?
dreaded the past?: Why dread something in the past? It's behind mwtf is thte and will NEVER catch up with me
made homeade soup?: iDon't believe so. Had some. Never made it.
bought someone a car?: Da eff? iHaven't even bought my own car why the flip would iBuy someone else a car?
gotten money in the mail you didn't expect?: Yes, twas quite nice
believe in miracles?: iSure do
believe in fate?: Not as much as iBelieve in God's plan, but yes, iDo
use a crock pot?: Sure do
prefer rice or pasta?: Sheesh, iCan't prefer both? There is no prefernce, either or will suffice
ever go into chat rooms?: Not anymore, iHave no need
your homepage?: for my browser? the Wyzo homepage
your favorite old movie?: iLike a bunch of 'em. Casablanca, Singin' in the Rain, The King and I
the best brand of condoms?: iDon't use condoms...iDon't have sex
your favorite way to eat eggs?: Um...not to. In a cake iSuppose because eggs are grody
something you learned from your grandparents?: a lot of things, not sure how to apply them tho...lol
Yesterday/Tomorrow?: If iChose yesterday then my today wouldn't happen because iWould've changed things so lets go with tomorrow shall we
Chicken soup/Clam Chowder?: Chicken Soup FTMFW
Radio/CDs?: CDs, if iWanted to listen to the radio iMay as well just put 3 songs on repeat, word to Lansing radio *cough* 96.5 *cough*
Soup/Sandwich?: iCan't have both? You busters! lol, Sandwich
Word/Excel?: Word, iDont have the patience for spread sheets
are you close to your grandparents?: I'm kinda close to Nana, iDon't tell her everything tho
do you stay in touch with your aunts and uncles?: yeah...nope, not really
do you tell your significant other everything?: Basically everything, yes
do you and your best friend have inside secrets?: Me and Tia? Yeah, we do, a bunch of them. We know entirely too much about each other
is lying unacceptable to you?: Depends on what the lie is and who does it
Life is...: a joke and it's on you, so live it and laugh it up while you can because the punchline's a killer
I am...: not ya average chick and I'm for DAMN sure smarter than ya average bear. I'm a street certified genius who could and does give less than an eff about what you, yours and what you have to say about me and mine. So, do what ya does. Try to analyze me or throw me in a box wit' the rest of mankind. I promise, I won't be there for long. Why? I'm a RENegade
I am not...: One to be trifled and/or played with and if you try iSuggest you run for cover.
I want to be...: a lot of things, successful chief among them, no Drake
I wish I could...: ...not sayin'
love?: real one? E. A. S.
kiss?: the first one iRemember was Jacob, he was 8, iWas 4 :D
sexual experience?: ...yeah, NADA will iSay on this question, I'm not stupid, some of y'all know my 'rents, questions iDo not want to answer will be asked so yeah, I'ma keep quiet *nods head and shuts lips*
friend?: Um...Casey [Jacob's little sister lmao]
child?: haven't had one yet
What was your last dream about?: Him
How many letters in your last name?: 6
When is the last time you ate too much?: Um...5 minutes ago, the pizza was on point
When is the last time you ate at a buffet?: iDunno, it's been a while, iAvoid them the best iCan
When is the last time you shared a dessert with someone?: willingly? Good question, no clue
Two in a row.
I would say don’t get used to this, but maybe you can, who am I to say?
I barely even know what’s gon’ come out of my mouth next.
Sad, but true.
I tried to write an introduction to this but you know me my love. You know how I am so you know how I write. I was planning on doing this big lead up where I would tell you again how much I love you and how much you mean to me but I don’t need to do all of that. You know how much I care about you and you should know how much I love you by now. If you don’t…
I’m not going to continue in this same vein because I told myself that I wouldn’t, but before I get to what I feel as though I need to get to, I’m going to leave you with this:
I’ve told a lot of people the story of us. Other than being in awe and amazed at the kind of love that we share—a few have even said they were a bit jealous—they all ask me if you realize everything that I’m giving you; what it is that I am. My question to you is do you my love?
Once again, I’m going to use music as the medium to help me tell you this. Instead of "Love” by Musiq, I’m going to tell you about the time “Before I Met You” with some help from Usher. And like last time, I’m going to save the chorus for last.
You changed my life in so many ways
I just look back to how I used to be
And how you dealt with me
And I just wanna…
If nothing else, that’s the theme of this Q; I have to tell you thank you. For showing me love, for giving me hope, for changing who I am for the better and for everything that we went through—and will hopefully have the chance to go through in the future. I want to thank you for the good, the bad, the ups and the downs. For coming into my life when I decided that I wasn’t going to care anymore and for giving me a reason to do so. I want to thank you for being you and for loving me just the way I am.
God forbid but
Just in case I never see your face again
Just in case the worst was meant to happen
Just in case tomorrow never comes
There is somethin’ you should know
There is more than just “some thing” that you should know; there are some things. I don’t even know where to start but
I’ve given you every bit of the man I am
I know at times it wasn’t pretty but it was all I had
seems like a good enough place.
For obvious reasons, I haven’t given you every bit of the man that I am, but I gave you the girl that I was and the woman that I’m still becoming. I know, it hasn’t exactly been pretty, but this is me. I don’t know how to do things in a quote unquote “proper” way, so I go all in…for the most part. I wish that I could tell you that
I never held back not one little bit
but that’s not true, I did hold back and I’m sorry.
You know me and you know that I’ve been hurt in the past. It’s not an excuse, but baby it’s the truth. I have been hurt in ways that I haven’t even told you about and because of that, my willingness to go all in in a relationship—especially an unsure bet like ours—is nonexistent.Or it was before I met you.
The world can attest to this
baby you flipped my program upside down
You really, truly did.
Before I met you I…I wasn’t exactly a happy person. I didn’t care about anyone or anything. I was just in a really bad place and time in my life. But then you, with that voice and the way you think, came into my life and—I say this out of love and with a smile on my face—you fucked everything up.
You did the unthinkable. You made me, the girl who promised herself never again, fall in love with you. What’s more, you did it in a time frame that lasted a little more than two hours. It’s crazy, but you did it with your voice, the passion with which you speak and the way you are when it comes to your daughter. There is something in you—I’m not sure what—that speaks to something in me that up until March 10th 2008 at 3:47 PM I thought was dead. It was then that my life started to do a complete 180.
There were so many times I wasn’t there for you
And for every one of those times I hated myself for
The way I went about it
The ups and the downs
One foots in while the other foots out
I’ve always been here for you and you know that. Even when it got hard; even when it hurt and when it felt like me sticking around wouldn’t matter at all, I stayed. I’m still here for you and I will continue to be here for you because I’m in love with you.
Even during those times when you weren’t there for me—and there were times you and I both know that very well—I didn’t hate you or hate you for it. I was just disappointed. You know the way that things were gone about better than I do and we both know about the ups and downs that we’ve had to deal with. There was a time when I wasn’t sure who or what you wanted and it just…it hurt me a bit. I was more disappointed than anything.
Lovin’ on you
Lovin’ on another
I ain’t no different from any other brother
…You know our relationship and you know our history. I don’t need to speak on it but I will say this:
You are different from the other brothers; you’re nothing like them at all.
Ours is a fucked up situation to be in and no one besides you and I will ever fully understand the ins and outs of it. I get it Q; I know why certain things were done. Do I like the way that we had to do what we did to be together? No, hell no. And while there’s a part of me that says if given the chance to go back and do it all again I would go about it the right way, there’s an even bigger part of me that wouldn’t change it for the world.
I’m pretty sure that I never told you this but you, Equan, are worth it all and by all I do mean it all. You remember those times when you gave me the option of staying or leaving with the promise of no love lost?
I stayed because of you. I could, did and will continue to deal with all the shit that is and was coming our way because for the first time in my life, I met someone that was worth sticking around for.
Even when I was scared—and damn if I haven’t been scared—I never ran from you; I stuck around to show you what you mean to me. And I’m still here.
So what I give to you right here right now
In this here place is my voice laid out
In this here space is my heart poured out
As I state my case as I break it down
I’ve never really been the one to put my business out there like that but because you’re you, and because I feel the way that I do about you, I will make the exception so that I can
Tell you where I’m coming from
As of now it is currently unfinished. There is something else that I need to write before I complete this and it’s equally important.
I will be twenty this Wednesday. Twenty. For those of you not in the know, that is a 2 and a 0 put together.
It just seems so…old. So…ancient.
So, as a treat, I shall give those of you who manage to stumble across my (infamous) life and times a glimpse at Ren throughout the years. Just remember, I grew up in the 90’s. That’s the only excuse I have for the fashion. It’s either blame it on the time period or my momma didn’t really love me and wanted for to embarrass me later on in mine life. *side eye from the pits of hell to mi madre*
So, I don’t have any baby baby pix on my lappy, but this is what I have, I shall try to post these in chronological order to the best of mine abilities.
[click the pix to see the full-sized]
Based on the backdrop—that every photographer and their mommas man on the side had—it was Christmas. This had to be about…oh, 1991 so I was 2-ish. Me and the cousins Ricky and Shanique were dressed oh so very lovingly by our parents and/or Nana. I mean look at me, I was killin’ ‘em in my extra baggy purple turtle neck sweater.
Me, Ricky and Shanique again, this time I’m holding their little brother Jeno. Had to be summer of 1992-93 so I was between the ages of 2 and 4.
Summer 93 I believe so I was 3 or 4. Thank God that I grew into that fore—*cough* five *cough*—head that my parents bestowed upon me. Why did my mother not realize the importance of bangs?
Before anyone asks, no, I don’t know why the outfit I was wearing was made out of the fabric that covered their grandmothers plastic covered couch. My mom and I are gonna have a SERiOUS conversation about these outfits.
The back of this particular picture said that Boogie was 6 months old, so seeing as she came and ruined mine life—I joke, sheesh—in October of 95, this is April 96. Easter. Just another excuse for parents to dress their children in completely embarrassing ways and parade them around like this is cute. The hat that I’m wearin’?
Yeah, that ain’t it.
Summer of 96. Why Boogie and I look like botany projects gone awry I don’t know. The expression on her her face deffy mirrors mine right about now.
I had hair like the Grinch.
Proof that my mother hated me.
So, after 1996, I entered a phase in my life where I didn’t like to take pictures and those that were taken shall NEVER see the light of day. EVER. Those were hella embarrassing. Definitely not ballin’.
So, I’m gonna leave you with some of my most recent pix then close my lappy cuz I have things to do and places to be.
Summer/Autumn 07. I had just recently graduated out of High School Hell and I started to come into my own. Now…I’m not entirely sure why my eyes or closed. I don’t exactly care either. I’m schmexxy in this pic if I do say so myself.
My last year as a teenager…
First things first, I love Kamara like the little sister I’m fortunate enough to have never been blessed with but um…I hate her. A lot. For one thing, she’s rude, unnecessarily so. I told her how I’m trying out for the Jeopardy College Tournament—a dork I may be but I’m a dork who has the potential for to win the tourney and pay for school. Hate if you must—and she said somethin’ like:
“Imagine how awkward that’s gon’ look. Harvard, Yale…Lansing Community College”
Ugh. Always tryin’ to keep the
yellow black (wo)man down. Ol' oppressive ass smh…
Anywho, along with being unnaturally rude, she’s evil on top of it all. I’m talkin’ the way I went in on Gifted [who tried to call me out on Twitter last night. Big. Fuckin’. Mistake.] evil. Multiplied by seven hundred and fifty five. Add a dash of holiness to that and a quarter cup of I don’t give a fuck, mix well, pop in the oven at 375 for 13 minutes or until golden brown and you have Kamara.
Or cupcakes, I don’t remember which.
So, last night, I was trying to get her mind off of the dark-side of the moon—codename, don’t worry about it, he’s not important—so I sent her to one of my favorite websites You Know You Dead Azz Wrong because her commentary on the fuckery is hilarious. I’ve been tryin’ to get her to comment on there but she’s bein’ a buster about it. Said she will if the spirit moves her. *rolls eyes* The spirit gon’ move her ass straight to hell and me along wit’ her for laughin’ so hard and being a willing participant in her nonsense.
I sent her to view episode 27 and this is her response.
Karma: everyone bow ur heads & close ur eyes.
Me: *bows head and closes eyes*
Karma: Dear Heavenly Father
Me: *chimes in “Yes Lord”*
Karma: we thank you for waking us up this morning with GOOD sense
Karma: because CLEARLY you didn’t have to do it
Me: THANK YA! *sways right and left*
Karma: CLEARLY you coulda let us grow some long ridiculous nails which prevent us from wipin’ the asses you have blessed us with
Karma: and causing us to get infections and merciful father we just want to praise your holy name on today because YOU gave us our right mind
[Yes, I did take it there]
Karma: hahahahahahaha SHUT UP REN *clears throat*
Me: *bows head and snickers while closing eyes*
Karma: ANYWAY, you clothed us in our right minds while THIZZ HEFFA PAINTED EACH OF HER STANK NAILS A DIFFERENT COLOR FATHER IN THE NAME OF JESUS HALLELUJAH! AND THEN PROCEEDED TO WRAP HER GRIMY AZZ AROUND THAT TREE THAT YOU SO LOVINGLY CREATED TO MAKE THIS STANK AZZ PIC WE NOW SEE BEFORE US
Me: *falls out*
Karma: *someone covers you with that blanket-shawl thing* and in Jesus name we ask that you STRIKE THESE THOUGHTS FROM THE HEARTS OF NIGGAS
Me: *rolls around on the floor humming “Jesus Loves Me This I Know”*
Karma: So that we can act like we have some class, dignity && sense in Jesus name we pray, amen, amen, amen
Karma: if you would face the wall on both sides the ushers will direct you out from the rear
Me: You do realize that we have first class seats on the plane to Hell
Karma: I’m the muthafuckin’ pilot
And everyone at church thinks she’s so sweet, innocent and good.
[click the pic, don't be slow]
Yeah, it’s oldish news but this story is gettin’ mighty gotdang interesting.
My thoughts and retelling shall come later however, currently doin’ somethin’ else that is mildly important, besides that, I only wanted to see if Windows Live Writer would eff things up once more. I hope it doesn’t. I hate having to post from the web.
it did chose to act stupid, but I'm gonna blame that on GIMP givin' me a janky image map.
This isn’t a continuation of my last post. This isn’t even about Him. This is me gettin’ back to my bitchy best so I don’t have to think about what comes next. Call it avoidance if you must, I won’t deny it at all.
I love people…in theory. Actual people on the other hand?
Eh, not so much.
Theoretical people are kind and mildly intelligent.
Actual people post shit like this on the Internet thinkin’ that they’re smart when in all actuality, the actual person looks like an actual asshole who’s actually really not smart at all. For an example of actual stupidity, peep the pic.
[click to see full-size image]
Now, I’m pretty sure the actual person who didn’t use their actual picture as their avi on Media Take Out thought that they were positively intelligent when they posted their comment on this story about the new show Spartacus on Starz yesterday. However, look at her second reply.
Yes, I’m pretty sure that there was a lot of actual gay things going down in ancient times, I’ve seen more than a few Grecian urns to back up this statement. However; I don’t think that Apollo or Napoleon Bonaparte were actually doin’ this. Y’know…
because Apollo didn’t actually exist outside of mythology and because Napoleon wasn’t around in Ancient Rome. Had to throw that out there just in case you’re an actual person who didn’t actually know this. If that’s the case, you’re actually kinda dumb, but I digress.
I understand what the homophobic Miss GuessJeans was trying to say. Kind of. But the fact of the matter is, yes, there was a lot of homosexual activity going on back in ancient times. Men basically only slept with women to produce an heir, twas a display of sexual prowess to bag the baddest nigga in a toga, not so much so concerning a woman.
If you’re an actual person who doesn’t actually believe me, you can Google it. Go ahead, enhance thine actual life with a bit of knowledge.
[oh, in case you didn’t understand why I kept sayin’ “actual” and forms thereof? You’re slow]
*hides face in shame*
So, I let my actual person come out there for a second when I failed to realize that she said ancient Romans...Spartacus sounds like a distincly Greek name and I do believe the show is set in ancient Greece.
Don't hold it against me though, I'm just an actual person...