And If You Seek Becky...

*annoyed sigh that’s enhanced by the fact that I’m sick and in a choke a nigga type mood based on the stupidity that’s currently occurring*

What it is y’all, how ya livin’ and and all the other stereotypical things that I could and just might say. How’s life treatin’ ya? Not that I actually care or anything like that, I’m only asking because I have a bit of decency and courtesy about mine self. It’s nice to ask how others are doing.

Not that I’m concerned wit’ niceness, if you read the blog on the reggy you know that I am not sir and/or madam, but I just thought that I’d throw that out there.

ANYWAY, now that the quote unquote niceties are out of the way, I can get back to this blog then go lay my sick ass back down before I use the trashcan next to my bed as the medium with which I will be calling Earl.

*cracks knuckles*

So…Algernod Washington, or as Ren likes to call him, “that short, freak nasty, fake ass “goon” goblin lookin’ muddasucka” Plies has a new album coming out, “Goon Affiliated” , and the lead single, “Becky” is a song about fellatio. Not that we should expect anything less from the King of Goon-Goblin Land, I’m just sayin’.

I hear this gotdamn song in my nightmares—along wit’ His voice but that’s another blog—it gets so much play on the radio. When I hear prepubescent children screamin’ “Gimme that Beckaaaay” not only do I want to slap the ish out of their parents but I wanna go and choke Mr Unfunny Comedian Person Dude because he works for the Lansing station that’s “Number one for hip-hop and R&B”. Which would insult the hell outta me if I was hip-hop, it already irks me as I am a hip-hop fiend but I digress.

Below is the cinematic gem that is Plies' “Becky”. Sit back, relax and catch a contact and when you're done being amazed at the pure genius of the vid, scroll down to keep readin'.

So…a few things I feel the need to touch on:

1) It’s a recession. Yeah, I get that. Ray-Ray, Tyrone and Pookie informed everyone at the last meeting of the Consistently Broke Niggas of America but um…what’s wit’ all these regular ass lookin’ video girls? Like I said, times is hard and that I understand but um…these bxtches look almost as bad as the ones in the "Halle Berry" video by that kid wit’ the natural disaster name that escapes me at the moment.

Typhoon Mike?

Earthquake Jim?

Whateva, you know who I mean.

2) it boggles mine mind to believe that this lady

who bears an uncanny resemblance to my second grade teacher—if she had long hair and didn’t have a permanent bxtch scowl tattooed to her face—gives “Becky” and it hurt my heart to see her dance out of the store like that. Ew.

3) The big, slutty blonde hair…

Kim Zolciak?

I wish there was a close up on her face…wait, if it really is Kim, no I don’t. The spiders that live in her eyelashes might attack me.

4) Since this stupid song has been out, I’m pretty sure that I’ve seen this sign

So ladies—and maybe a few gentlemen, who is Ren to judge?—if you got that ill deep throat, dude’ll work for ya.

5) I hope and pray that I’m not the only one who was disturbed on the soul level by the line of basic and dead ass wrongness at “Becky’s BBQ”. I’m not even screen cappin’ that ish, I refuse to have to relive the mess once more. That chick wit’ the rather unfortunate body shape in the white tank and jeans hurt my feelings wit’ her zillions and baby blue eye shadow. And to the heffa in the fishnet whatever the hell she was wearing lookin’ like she just hopped off her ho stroll for A Pimp Named Ice Water…girl, bye.

6) Why does Plies look the type to be cool wit’ cops like this?

7) I’m not even gon’ speak on the chick who was goin’ for a run in the video wit’ her effed up, oh so unattractive dye job because we know that in the extended cut of the video we get to see her get hit by a Hummer. Naw, I’m playin’, but in all seriousness ladies, if you can’t afford to get your hair dyed either save up for it or have a friend of yours who you trust—not that backstabbin’ heffa precious who stole Raequonathan from you—do it because bad dye jobs are NOT the biz in 09.

8)

Jesus isn’t the only one who wept.

9) Hol’ up…

“Goons” wear pink?

I suppose that if Cam’Ron can so can they

*shrugs*

10) I flat out refuse the life of the soccer mom. Flat out refuse. I can’t with her or her PT Cruiser.

*sigh*

There was so much more that I could speak on, so much more but, ya girl currently has company and the Sausage McMuffin’ that they brought me for breakfast is gettin’ cold.