Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Who’s the Master? Sho-Nuff—The Shogun of McDonalds

Hey hey people, princes, paupers and…damn.

I’m not about to lie, I really wanna say pedophiles right now. But I won’t. I’ll just think that quietly to myself as I allow you to come up with your own word for people or a group or classification of people that starts with a “P”.

How be all of thee anyway? Not that y’all butt-monkeys ever respond in the form of a blog comment or anything like that so why the eff should I care how you are? Shxt…

As for me, I’m doin’ alright I suppose. Coolin’ at home while the lil sis is knocked out on the couch, half studying from my Philosophy book and half cursing this stupid retainer that my orthodontist tightened last week. I’m also on Twitter and thinking about the shxt I’m going to say in 3/23 and beyond. I’ve decided that I’m gonna completely re-haul the idea that I had for the remainder of the days.

What I have so far is alright I guess, but shortly after I posted day two the other day, I decided that I couldn’t keep going that same route. There’s far too much that needs to be said to go about it that way, so, starting with day three, I’ll be doing something a little different.


If you hadn’t guessed, I’m usually the one who’s like this least iAdmit it *shrugs* 

about the things that I do for other people. By my way of thinking, you’re lucky enough that I took time out of my (infamous) life to even do somethin’ for you so you get what you get and that’s the way it’s gon’ be. But not this time. I give more than a damn about what’s said to Him because there’s this foolish part of me that thinks I’ll be able to make a difference of some kind. Ugh…

*rolls eyes*

Enough on that for the time being though.

I wrote but didn’t post this one on Friday after I hijacked my Nana’s Ethernet to post my blog about the drooling man and dog faced heffa tryin’ to get buck who was gon’ get bucked the eff down on the CATA.

Let’s get into it shall we?

*takes a sip of my McDonald’s Mocha Frappe and sighs*
How art thou on this warm-ish, rainy night? Everything alright wit’ y’all? Not tryin’ to steal your kids or younger siblings Halloween candy are you? Because that’s bad. You know good and gotdamn well that you can go to Target on the first and get a bag of your favorite candy for 50-75% off. Don’t be mean and take little Jimmy’s—or Jamarquion’s depending on you and your family. I’ve made up in my mind that at least one person with a name that would make you believe that their parents didn’t want them to have an actual job has visited my blog. I see you Shanquinetta, Alexzandrionique and Walmartavia—candy. Even though I would routinely steal the Twix, Reese’s, Dots, Snickers…hell, I would take all of Boogie’s candy. But we ain’t talkin’ about me right now. And don’t try to come at me sideways wit’ some:
Practice what you preach”
ish either.
I’m not a woman of the cloth; you won’t catch me in the pulpit. Ergo, I’m not a preacher. I’m just someone tellin’ you what not to do. Consider me a law maker of these Interwebnets.

Anyway, let me hurry up and do this so I can enjoy my Friday night spent at the crib. I’ve got this caffeine and chocolate coursing through mine system and I’m bouncy like a muhfxcka. I am like forreal bouncing right at this moment and I’m tryin’ to calm myself down, but this Mocha Frappe got me hyper.

Speaking of which, let me get into this one so I can go bounce off the walls.

Shortly after I posted my last blog, my mom and I left my Nana’s house and headed to Mickey-D’s since mi madre wanted coffee and Biggby—the cheaper and better alternative to whack ass Starbucks—was closed. So, we pointed our car in the direction of the nearest pair of golden arches for some caffeinated, chocolate drizzled, whip creamed crack in the form of a Mocha Frappe.  Even though it was about 10 PM at the time, the line inside was insane, so we went through the drive through and…I can’t even do it tonight, I’ve got too much energy to be sittin’ at my laptop right now so I’m gonna cut this like way short. In fact, you get bullets tonight boys, girls and all things in between. Maybe, let’s see where the spirit moves me.

  • There is this guy that the management has put on the window late at night to coerce hungry female parishioners to buy more food because he has a voice straight out of 70’s radio. Dead ass. The way he asks “do you want fries with that” would make Barry White and Isaac Hayes proud. I bet you a dollars worth of Canadian quarters (which I’m still mad that I can get out of a vending machine but I can’t put in) that he says Ya damn right” after every order. Yes, Shaft style.
  • Every time that we hit the drive-thru and he’s workin’ the window and subsequently the order box thingy that I don’t know the name of nor do I care to find out what it is, I die a little bit inside due to silent laughter. His voice does not go with his body and even before I can’t see him, the image that I have of him in my head gives me the giggles in the worst way. In fact, the very first time I saw him I almost had an asthma attack. Ren doesn’t have asthma. Yes, it’s that’s deep.
  • I was under the impression that home-boy was black based on his voice. Believe me, if you actually get the chance to hear him you’ll think the same thing. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth ladies and gents. Now, a bold individual I may be, but I’m not bold enough to snap a picture of dude. But uh…this is what he looks like

Damn man, you don't know how much I wish this fools tat said "God's Son" so iCould be all *Nas voice* "God's son tatted 'cross my chest it's permanent"

Dead. Ass.

Now, no disrespect to fat-boy wanna be slim dude but…

Eff. I just lost my ticket and my train of thought pulled out of the station without me. Let it marinate. You’ll understand soon. Got it now?
*pats you on the head*
Good for you.

Um…yeah, this caffeine is makin’ me do very weird, random things and I’m literally bouncing in my seat while I’m on the phone talkin’ to Jayo number three who’s actin’ mighty reckless and far above his station. So, before I bounce my ass out of this house to go deal wit’ this fool, let me throw up my tracks of the day.

First up we’ve got an oldie but a goodie for fans of the boy-band set of the 90’s like myself. “Crazy For You” by NSYNC.

Don’t say anything out the way either. I was in love with them from 4th to 6th grade and I swore up and down that I was gonna marry Justin and Lance but have an affair with JC. I may still have a chance with Justin but Lance…well, we could go shoe shopping together, that’s almost as good in my book.

Next up, we have “Callin’ Me” by K.Sparks co-starring Tina Quallo off of his album Super Senior. One of the better albums that I’ve heard this year, deffy worth the space on your hard drive.

Last but certainly not least is a track by my lyrical soulmate Wale and that nigga who needs to invest in Carmex Gucci Mane, “Pretty Girls” off of Wale’s soon to be released album Attention Deficit.

Now…thanks to the bootleggers that make my gmail happy on a daily basis, I have no less than seven links to the leaked version, all seven of which I will not be linking on here. Support the DMV and please support hip-hop and go out and buy the album on the November tenth.

I most definitely will be.

Now, to handle this fool…


ms. Zuri Vuitton said...

iKnow i'm not seeing "Thug Life" on that dude's doughy lookin stomach !!

... *smh* ALOT of women prolli get caught by that voice. When they @ the voice box they prolli swooning and feelin' all special, then when they azz drive up to tha window, they secretly die inside LOL

Anonymous said...

well damn lmao wowz!!!!!