Friday, November 27, 2009

Cult Leaders Invented the Remix

Howdy and how be thee first time visitors, long time lurkers and those in the apparent pursuit of awesomeness as you’re currently visiting LauRenxExCarter on Blogspot Way. How has life been treating you and all those other questions that I’m supposed to ask like I honestly care and am too lazy for to do so as it’s six in the AM. I sincerely hope all is well with you though. Remember; I’m still in my don’t nobody bring me no bad news frame of mind. Beside that, if everything isn’t alright with you, who’s gonna feed my blog the hits that it so desperately hunger for? Don’t get me wrong, I care on a personal level as well, but I’m thinkin’ about my blog stats.

*Kanye Shrug*

How am I?


I’m not alright, not at all. I failed myself and I failed Him as well and I’m not happy about it.

I tried y’all, I really did, but at the end of the day and when it’s all said and done, I wasn’t able to make the twenty-three days idea pan out. I called it a journey and I ended up getting more lost than I began with. Around the time that I posted Day Five, it felt like my map and compass had been ripped from my hands and I had been blindfolded and spun around multiple times only to be left to wander aimlessly.

I couldn’t find a way to express my heart and say I needed to say in my 23 Days so…I have to start over. This time, I’m gonna do it right and take my time to show and tell Him what I need Him to know. I’m taking the time out so I can get it right. So I can present something worthy to a King. I gave him the frame with my rambled musings, now I need to really paint that picture for Him.

And I’ll try my damndest to create for Him a work of art. A masterpiece of words painted for Him with the pigments of my multihued emotions with every stroke of my pen across the page and that of my fingers on the keys…but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Let’s get into this one.

Let me break this down for y’all in case you were too…damn.

I can’t find a nice word synonymous with stupid that wont get me mentally cursed out by y’all. But then again, what do I care for? It’s not like you’re bad enough to leave me a blog comment or anything like that and I need to hop off of the Tangent Line and back onto the My Track of Thought Express. If you’re as obtuse as I’m trying to insinuate that you are, I suggest that you let that marinate and maybe your diminished mental capacity will be replenished by something that you soak up and find yourself able to use at a later date.

Now, in case you were too simple-minded to realize it, I’m not your “typical” blogger. Matter of fact, I’m not ya typical and/or average anything and thinking so will result in you catchin’ a Chuck Taylor All Star to the right side of ya dome.

The “typical” blogger will write up, copy and paste or trackback to a typical blog about fashion, the entertainment biz, technology or music. Which is all fine, dandy and peachy keen like if you wanna be like everyone else, but as for (Lau)Ren and herself?

We shall be different.

If you could get my closet door open—I still stuff shxt in there and I can admit it—or took a look at the clothes strewn in and about my room, you’d see that I give nary an eff, you, see or kay about fashion. Give me a pair of jeans, a cute and possibly offensive graphic tee and shoes that coordinate and Ren is a happy girl. As for the entertainment biz, there are only a few people that I find to be entertaining and I can’t think of too many celebrities that I care enough about to celebrate. On the technological side of the spectrum, what do I look like writing a blog about something that probably cost more than my tuition at LCC? That’s just as stupid as those people that I see up on campus with MacBook Pro’s. Like I said before, if you own a Mac and go to a community college, your priorities are out of whack and all askew. However, I will concede that this is pretty awesome and if it didn’t cost 3/4’s of my tuition and if I didn’t go to a community college, I’d find a way to get it. As for music, which you’ve seen me write about a few times, if I don’t like it or feel some kinda way about it, I’m not gonna waste my time writing about it.

Basically, this is what it comes down to:

For the most part, I don’t give a fanga in the middle about that shxt and have no qualms about letting it be known. Look at the title of my blog.

The Life and Times of (The Infamous) Mz. Ren

Now peep the description.

My life. My times. The infamy shall ensue.

The description says it all but I worry about the intelligence quotient of some of y’all—one of my Murrland jayo’s told me that I use too many “big” words after he read my blog [-____-]—I will break this down once more.

This blog is about my life and the times in which they’re occurring. It’s about the ish that I find to be relevant and/or interesting but most likely funny because it involves someone that I don’t like falling down a flight of steps or in a more hilarious situation, falling up them. It’s about the people that I care about and the people that I care to do without. This is where I can be as mockingly sardonic and satirically, even caustically, mordant as I wanna be as I explore that disreputable, notoriously infamous side of me that writes

This is my shxt niggas!


in 36 point, bold and selectively underlined, hot-pink Scriptina font.

It has been for 100 posts and it will continue to be so for 100 more if I so choose.

You don’t have to like it and please don’t think that you’ll hurt my feelings by telling me as much. This is not kindergarten and we aren’t in the sandbox homie.

However, if we were and you tried to come out the mouth with some dumb shxt like that? Yeah, you woulda found yourself eating a sandcastle with a side of wooden blocks—those punk ass triangles that nobody wanted to use—and a mud slushie chaser.

Jus’ playin’!

I was an angel when I was younger.

Well…my halo covered up my horns for the most part.


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