First things first, I love Kamara like the little sister I’m fortunate enough to have never been blessed with but um…I hate her. A lot. For one thing, she’s rude, unnecessarily so. I told her how I’m trying out for the Jeopardy College Tournament—a dork I may be but I’m a dork who has the potential for to win the tourney and pay for school. Hate if you must—and she said somethin’ like:
“Imagine how awkward that’s gon’ look. Harvard, Yale…Lansing Community College”
Ugh. Always tryin’ to keep the
yellow black (wo)man down. Ol' oppressive ass smh…
Anywho, along with being unnaturally rude, she’s evil on top of it all. I’m talkin’ the way I went in on Gifted [who tried to call me out on Twitter last night. Big. Fuckin’. Mistake.] evil. Multiplied by seven hundred and fifty five. Add a dash of holiness to that and a quarter cup of I don’t give a fuck, mix well, pop in the oven at 375 for 13 minutes or until golden brown and you have Kamara.
Or cupcakes, I don’t remember which.
So, last night, I was trying to get her mind off of the dark-side of the moon—codename, don’t worry about it, he’s not important—so I sent her to one of my favorite websites You Know You Dead Azz Wrong because her commentary on the fuckery is hilarious. I’ve been tryin’ to get her to comment on there but she’s bein’ a buster about it. Said she will if the spirit moves her. *rolls eyes* The spirit gon’ move her ass straight to hell and me along wit’ her for laughin’ so hard and being a willing participant in her nonsense.
I sent her to view episode 27 and this is her response.
Karma: everyone bow ur heads & close ur eyes.
Me: *bows head and closes eyes*
Karma: Dear Heavenly Father
Me: *chimes in “Yes Lord”*
Karma: we thank you for waking us up this morning with GOOD sense
Karma: because CLEARLY you didn’t have to do it
Me: THANK YA! *sways right and left*
Karma: CLEARLY you coulda let us grow some long ridiculous nails which prevent us from wipin’ the asses you have blessed us with
Karma: and causing us to get infections and merciful father we just want to praise your holy name on today because YOU gave us our right mind
[Yes, I did take it there]
Karma: hahahahahahaha SHUT UP REN *clears throat*
Me: *bows head and snickers while closing eyes*
Karma: ANYWAY, you clothed us in our right minds while THIZZ HEFFA PAINTED EACH OF HER STANK NAILS A DIFFERENT COLOR FATHER IN THE NAME OF JESUS HALLELUJAH! AND THEN PROCEEDED TO WRAP HER GRIMY AZZ AROUND THAT TREE THAT YOU SO LOVINGLY CREATED TO MAKE THIS STANK AZZ PIC WE NOW SEE BEFORE US
Me: *falls out*
Karma: *someone covers you with that blanket-shawl thing* and in Jesus name we ask that you STRIKE THESE THOUGHTS FROM THE HEARTS OF NIGGAS
Me: *rolls around on the floor humming “Jesus Loves Me This I Know”*
Karma: So that we can act like we have some class, dignity && sense in Jesus name we pray, amen, amen, amen
Karma: if you would face the wall on both sides the ushers will direct you out from the rear
Me: You do realize that we have first class seats on the plane to Hell
Karma: I’m the muthafuckin’ pilot
And everyone at church thinks she’s so sweet, innocent and good.