Tuesday, January 5, 2010

We Have a Dilemma on Our Hands Folks

I’m not even about to hit y’all with one of my elaborate, well thought out and funny if I do say so myself and I do say so introductions today. I’m not inspired in the least and I feel as though my brilliance is wasted on the majority of y’all. One of the only one’s who truly understands me and my weird, pseudo sadomasochism—used as a counterproductive coping mechanism although chains excite me— is Karma Kameleon. I’m almost positive that you’re reading this Miss K, consider this your new nickname. Kthanx.
Anyway, been a while since I’ve done my “video analysis” so, let’s get it.

World Star Hip Hop is worse than You-Tube when it comes to fxckery filled videos. Peep the vanilla tinged example below.

A few things…

1) I bet a dollars worth of Canadian quarters that you can get out of a vending machine but can’t put in a vending machine that the fellas who happen to come through on any sort of basis thought that this vid was gonna be somethin’ like the one I posted here. Ha, fooled ya.
2) Little Becky Sue has one of the most unfortunate shapes I have ever seen, deffy not Phat Girl Phresh.
3) I spy with my pretty brown eyes a good seven teddy bears in her room and about twenty-five hangers in her closet. Where are all of her clothes? And why does she look like a white version of Winnie the Pooh in that unfortunately small t-shirt?
4) She chose to…you really can’t call this dancing but I’m too lazy to wrack my brain searching for adjectives, dance—*side eye*—to Nelly and Kelly Rowland’s “Dilemma” and I wonder if she sent this to some guy that she had a “dilemma”" with and he in turn laughed his ass off at her uncoordinated self and sent it to his friends.
5) Yes. During that five second stretch of 0:45-0:50 she was indeed trying to twerk. I know you probably couldn’t tell, but yerp, that’s what it was. And yeah, she was krumping for a good ten seconds there too.
6) I’m gonna need for this chick to sweat it out to the oldies with Richard Simmons and hit up Twerk Team before she ever tries to shake her ass in front of a camera again. I don’t care if it’s a disposable 35mm one from Walgreens with no flash, if it’s a camera she needs not look so…shxt, like that if she’s in front of it.
7)  For a moment there I thought that she was in the throws of a grand mal seizure then I realized that she was just bent over her bed, documenting her severe case of noassitol. Here’s to hoping that they find a cure so Becky Sue doesn’t have to get Silicone injections to feel good about herself.
8) Anyone else notice that she did indeed get “gangsta” when Nelly said it?

That’s all boys and girls, I can’t think up something inappropriate and rude to finish this post with so I’ll allow you to fill in the blanks yourself.
Don’t give me that. Thinking will do you a world of good. Go ahead; stimulate that cerebral cortex.

Update: …I found her on YouTube. I’ll now take this time to go weep for the youth of America. If you’ll excuse me.

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