Sunday, December 6, 2009

Where’s the Figgy Pudding Bxtch?

Hey there Saturday night sinners and Sunday morning fakers saints, how be thee? Are ya feelin’ particularly saved, sanctified and filled wit’ the Holy Ghost after you uploaded the pix of  your drunken and/or high adventures at the club last night to FaceBook this morning before you went to Sunday School?  You are?

Good to know.

How be’s me? Eh, I’m aight. Know what, eff it, I am effin’ fantastical right now! Ya girl is currently sittin’ in the car outside of the Meridian Mall’s Younkers, still high off of the shopping that I just did.
I got this cute little short skirt, this adorable white blouse and a black one that compliments my inherent sexiness, some black zippered leggings, a black sweater, three pairs of hobo gloves, two pairs of pants a necklace and some other accessories…

For $25!

Let me hear a woot woot for awesome discounts and the awesome staff at The Avenue!

Me heart thee, yes I does, mmhmm.

Anyway, let’s get into this one y’all. It’s a re-up and edit of my last post with my commentary and a bit of backstory. Maybe a screen shot here and there, who’s to say?

Ah, Google Voice. Easily one of the best inventions those geniuses at Google have ever created. Way better than that Google Wave bullshxt at any rate. It’s boring as shxt unless you have a bunch of people to Wave with and speaking of which, I have three invites left sitting in my inbox. If you want one, drop me a blog comment with your email addy and I’ll send you one. Seeing as none of y’all enjoy leaving me blog comments, I’ll probably just randomly send these invites out to random people. But I digress.

Google Voice is awesome y’all--let me take this time out to thank my duder Drewski for sending me the invite. Ren appreciates you Drew (=. Google gave me a new number for free and with that free number comes free SMS (txt) messaging and free long distance. So…cheah.

Last night, I was deleting all…erm, most of the dirty pictures that find their way into my email and txting people from my GV number when I get a message from Kentonathan—one of my nicknames for him…

K:  Punk   12:33 AM

Me: whatchu want nicca. and iAm NOT a punk 12:34 AM
K: O its like that? What I want? And u was supposed to call me back punkl 12:35 AM 
Me: uh...yeah, it is. Got a problem? AND I FELL ASLEEP FOO'! Sheesh. Dang. Geez. Peanuts. All that. 12:36 AM
K: Don't be gettin smart with me,and u didn't fall asleep, u went to sleep fool lol am I bothering u? 12:37 AM
Me: dont be tryin to get buck in a txt message. I'll punch you in the face when you take me to the movies then make u buy me popcorn. And SO?? 12:38 AM

Oh, yeah. Kentasia is taking me to a movie. In fact, he’s taking me to two of them.

...[>_______<] iSwear fo' BOB the next person to call me lite bright, light skin, yellow, etc. etc. is gettin' kicked in the eye. Twice.

Me: Why you always callin' so late nicca? Hmph. And not yet lmao 12:39 AM
K: Ain't nobody gettin buck, u started nigga 12:39 AM

K: Been busy allday I got a head ache, and u ain't been on aim all day foo and what u mean not yet? Lol whateva 12:40 AM
Me: You ARE gettin' buck! And im about to finish this shxt too. Whatchu gon' do? Nigga. 12:41 AM
K: U ain't gon finish shit, u started somethin u can't finish like always lol 12:41 AM

*rolls eyes* son knows not what he speaks of. I finish what I start. Excluding those 23 Days…*cough* moving on.

Me: iAint start shxt. You...ugh *kicks the neighbors Pomeranian puppy* 12:42 AM

ah, yeah, that’s a running thing wit’ me. Sometimes, certain people annoy you so much that you just need to take out your aggressions on something so cute it’s sick. And, before any of you try and call those fxcktards that stand for the ethical treatment of animals, I am indeed joking. I can’t kick puppies, that’s just rude. Now a kitten on the other hand…

K: Lmao poor puppy, u r mean! 12:44 AM
Me: iDont give a gotdamn! And SOOOOO? Hmph. 12:44 AM
K: Stop bein mean b4 I put u in a headlock and give u a noogie 12:45 AM
Me: you. wouldn't. dare. 12:46 AM
K: O yes I would hehehe 12:47 AM
Me: then prepare to get that ass whooped in the worst fashion, have it videotaped, put on YouTube then sent to all ur friends. 12:49 AM
K: Lmao riiite 12:49 AM

…he thought I was joking.

K: Whateva u ain't gon do nuthin but take that noogie like the champ u r lol, what u doin? 12:50 AM
Me: riiiite is uh...right. And u can choke on a toe thinkin' that shxt. Nothin for the moment, takin' a break. u? 12:52 AM
K: I ain't chokin on nuthin lol. What u takin a break from? Just abt to lay down, tryna get rid of this headache 12:53 AM
Me: so u say. And workin' on my lesson plan for tomorrow. And take yo' self to bed 12:54 AM K: Oo ok I see, u take yo self to bed chump lol 12:56 AM
Me: good, ur eyes are open then. And no. Shut up 12:58 AM
K: Hush lol and ladies 1st 12:59 AM
Me: im not tired so...yerp 1:01 AM
K: So what, u need to sleep 1:02 AM
Me: not yet. Shut up. 1:04 AM
K: Yea yea yea , u shut up! Meanie! 1:05 AM
Me: *shuts up* 1:07 AM
K: Yea u betta, that's right! 1:08 AM

This person…

Me: *makes a rather rude hand gesture and sends it your way* 1:10 AM
K: Hmmm I wonder what that gesture was lol 1:11 AM
Me: it was rude. thats all u need to kno 1:11 AM
Kent: Whateva, u prolly flipped me off lol 1:12 AM
Me: Nope 1:13 AM
K: Gang signs? Lmao 1:13 AM
Me: dont worry about it. just kno iSent a signal. Buttons is on his way 1:16 AM
K: Who the hell is that? Lol buttons? Sounds like its nothing I can't handle lol 1:17 AM
Me: Buttons is my dwarf in steeltoed boots w/poison tipped spurs 1:20 AM

Oh, you mad you don’t have a semi-murderous dwarf on your team? Suck it the eff up and make due.

K: Lmfao damn, where the hell u be comin up with this stuff? Crazy! 1:20 AM
Me: ...who says it aint tru? And iAm not crazy 1:24 AM
K: Cuz its not fool, and u know it. U sure ur not? 1:25 AM
Me: Yeah, aight, when Buttons kicks in your door, don't say shxt. And positive 1:27 AM
K: Lol riiight, who says Buttons is going to even make it to the door? Ill pop is ass b4 he even makes it on the porch lol 1:28 AM
Me: Buttons says so. He just sent me a txt. iTold him you don't believe in him but still believe in Santa and he got pissed. You'll see. He ain't scared 1:29 AM
K: Lmao I don't believe in no damn fat ass white guy in a polyester red and white jump suit lol and he don't want it, trust me. U ain't gotta be scared to g 1:31 AM
K: et bust lol 1:31 AM
Me: Yes you do. You aint gotta lie. Your bro told me that you wait up in footy pj's every year for him and bake him cookies for scratch and that you're still 1:33 AM
Me: waitin' on that 10 speed that you've wanted since you were 10. iKno whats good. And Buttons said you can stop discriminating toward dwarves and he's really 1:34 AM
Me: gon' kick ya ass now. You've been warned 1:34 AM
K: Riiight that's a damn lie, what out 4 that lighning lol, and u don't even kno my bro. 1:34 AM
Me: Yeah. Uh huh. There is no lightning comin' mine way and SO? 1:35 AM
K: Lol I don't discriminate towards dwarves lol. And I had a 10 speed I don't need 1! Lol 1:36 AM
K: So if u don't know my bro, how could he tell u those lies? Duh lol and it will be, just wait lol 1:36 AM
Me: iTold Buttons that you did. And no you didnt. It was a 1 speed 1:37 AM
K: There I no such thing as a 1 speed fool, and F button! Tell him to come meet me in the square! Lol 1:39 AM
Me: yes there is. It's a bike. The speed is as fast as your feet go. Duh. And Buttons says "you don't want it wit' me nigga" and also that you're almost as short 1:42 AM
Me: as he is and wonders if you ever thought about being legally classified as a dwarf 1:42 AM

Buttons also said “this nigga don’t want it wit’ me, I’ll bust his head til’ the white meat shows”, but I didn’t mention this to Kentuckyfried—one word. He was scared enough as it is, didn’t wanna give him a heart attack. He still has to take me to a flick.


K: Wow ok, well my feet move way faster than "1" so I never had a "1" speed lol and ur the same height as me, so he should've asked u instead of me. 1:47 AM
Me: yeah, uh huh. And Buttons knows better than to start w/me. And I'm taller than you. 1:48 AM
K: Right, sure u r, well buttons should know not to start w/me then, cuz u sent him @ me cuz u can't handle me urself, so he should know, if he can't handle 1:50 AM
K: u, he def can't handle me 1:50 AM
Me: iAm. And iSend Buttons to handle my light work. So...take that how you will 1:53 AM

That right there, my mixture of abrasive cuteness and all around weirdness, is the milkshake that brings the boys to the yard. I am like this on a routine and oh so regular basis with just about everyone, regardless of their gender. However, I’m even worse with the guys just because I can be. And they love it.

Ol’ masochistic…lol

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