Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Of Vienna Sausages and Cocktail Wieners

Did another audio-blog out of boredom so…here it is.

For those of you who can’t hear the audio for whatever reason, this is basically what I said:

What it is, what it look like and all that good shxt, it's ya girl Ren. How be ye knaves, paupers, assorted commoners, princes who look like princesses and vice versa?
How be's me?
Eh, I'm aight, just sittin' here, answering my work and personal email, bored and gettin'...how do you say, irked as in more than not a lotta bit and exceeding even more than that. Gon' head and let it marinate in your spirit. Try to absorb what I'm saying.
*hums the jeopardy theme*
You got it? Understandin' what it is that I'm sayin'? Good, gold star and applause for you
*claps hands*
So, along with music and music videos and other things of that nature, I get a shxt load of...well, I guess you could call it amateur porn from the guys that are tryin' to snatch away my vcard, however, Ren finds this shxt to be annoying.
Day after effing day there are new pics from my air quotes suitors in various states of undress and for the most part? Yeah, I'm not impressed.
Sure, there's this guy who has this body that sorta, kinda, almost um yeah, makes me wanna spend long hours licking whipped cream off of his six pack but uh, one, I'm a card carrying good girl and two son just doesn't have the equipment necessary for the procurement of mine virginity. It's just...he's so tiny!
Y'all know what vienna sausages look like, ryte? Yeah...like one and a half of those and you've got him. The message he attached that particular picture to said that he was cold when he took it and that explains the rinky-dinkness of his size, but I for one look at it this way
Why would you not take a pic when you're, y'kno, warm and able to show off your optimum length and width? Cuz that? Yeah, if I were to go thru wit' it and fxck him--which will NEVER EVER EVER EVER in the history of NEVERDOM happen--I'm pretty sure that I'd still technically be a virgin. Just sayin'.
So...cheah, I'm done wit' this one...layta

If I decide to continue doin’ these, they’ll get better. I promise.

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