Friday, February 12, 2010

Mazel Tov; It’s a Celebration. Bxtches.

Meter maids are a bunch of bitter people who delight in taking their obvious aggressions out on people who made the unfortunate mistake of not putting an extra dime in the meter. They’re about as evil as anesthesiologists and according to the karma scale that I just made up, their next life will be that of a hissing cockroach. Just thought I’d put that out there. Y’know, in case you ever wondered.
Anyway…it’s my bloggiversary!
That’s right my friends, enemies and hybrids of the two, it’s been exactly one year since The (Infamous) Life was launched out of boredom. While it’s true that I haven’t always been consistent with my writing style and posting schedule, you can see that I haven’t completely abandoned my blog and let the weeds run wild here at LauRenxExCarter on BlogSpot Way. So, to commemorate my year of inconsistent posts, criminally sane in an insane type of way ramblings that are apt to occur and my dissection of fxckery, I’m doin’ somethin’ a little different. I’m letting LauRen and Ren speak individually and for themselves, which is to say, for myself.
Before you allow yourself to think that I’m crazy…er than what I’ve shown myself to be, calm down and just go wit’ me here.

The first thing you need to know is that I don’t appreciate the effin’ questions LauRen and I have received in regards to our little “arrangement”. Any other time someone kicks a concept that your puny little mind can’t comprehend you just smile, nod and subtly look at your watch, but no. Y’all wanna dig deeper and try to throw me in the box marked “DAMN, this bxtch is crazy. I’ll have you know that I’m perfectly sane and insinuating otherwise will get you kicked in the shin. Twice.
The second thing you need to know is that there is no Sasha Fierce shxt goin’ on, meaning that there’s no demonic possession going on *slight side eye* when I’m around. Yeah, I said it, your point? …Let me stop angering Beyonce: Yaki Princess’s stans and get back to the task at hand.
The main thing that you need to know is that I’m LauRen and LauRen is me. I’m the side of Elle (get it? The first letter of her name is “L” and when you spell it out…y’all are slow, eff it) that the majority of people meet, if only at first. Why? Because, I like to be difficult, it’s fun, beside that, I’m the judge and jury of this shxt.
Once you pass the Many Trials of Ren—which include but are not limited to verbal sparring matches and dodging sarcastic barbs masterfully thrown by yours truly—then you can get to know me on a deeper, much more personal level. Maybe. However, if you are judged and found wanting, your chances of getting to know Elle are slim to helldafxcknaw. I don’t have time for nonsense in the form of weakness so I weed it out early on. I don’t like people, y’all know that. It takes a lot to get close to me for a reason.
Ah. Put you off a bit have I? Well, to avoid frightening you further—even though the it would be pretty amusing to me. I’m sick like that (= –I’ll say this and hand it back over to LauRen meaning I get to talk some more:
I, boys and girls, am but a character playing my part in this grand ol’ play called Life. My role is that of “protector”. I’m the front that gets thrown up to push people away, think of me as the hard outer shell that needs to be cracked in order to reach the fluffy, nougaty center.

LauRen aka Elle
I promise you, I’m not crazy. Don’t assume that I suffer from some mild form of a dissociative identity disorder because of the things that I’ve said and will continue to say as Ren for as long as I see fit. As she—that is to say, I—stated above, I am Ren and Ren is me. She is a living and breathing person which is why I treat her as such. We are one. We share a heart that’s been broken and mended time and time again, a body and a singular mind. The only distinction between the two of us is that which I’ve created because I like to fxck with peoples minds and can admit it.
There are those that may say that Ren is a defense mechanism and they may be right. Or, they could be wrong as Sarah Palin running for any type of public office. Only I know the truth.
Or do I?

That was fun (^_^)
lol. Real talk though, I’m not crazy y’all, at least not to my standards of crazy. I’m a lot more sane than I act and that is what keeps me sane. Make sense? No? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Don’t try to understand me, it’ll save you a lot of brain cells and time that you can’t afford to waste. Now, let me throw up this track of the day and be out. I’ve got a scarf to finish crocheting. “Infamous”? No, not remotely, but this is how I spend my nights when I’m not plotting the destruction of Dell with a half empty bottle of water, a purple pen and a AA battery.
Here’s to another year.

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