I’m Out of My Mind. Come and Chase Me?

If you shouldn’t run with scissors, you definitely shouldn’t run with Hedge Clippers…

Well. This is about as awkward as any one of Sarah Palin’s speeches. I’ve been tryin’ to come up with something relevant, irreverent and sufficiently sarcastic to open this post with, but I’m drawing a ridiculously large blank as I copy these words from my mini Top Flight legal pad.
Now, y’all should know me by now. I am the reigning Queen of Sarcasm, able to serve subtle if I so choose shade with the best of them because I am the best of them. Yet here I am. Wielding my mechanical pencil as my scepter, trying to command the words to come forth and do my queenly bidding. However; mine subjects are proving to be disloyal as they continue to revolt. The only thing I’m gettin’ is a royal headache.
*sigh*
So, if we count that as my introduction, where should I begin? Hmm…
*thinks it over*
Ah. I guess I should get the stupid girly shxt out the way so I don’t have time to think about it as I continue writing this post. Cuz see, if I do that, y’all might sit back and be like
”Damn man. Ren’s gone soft because she’s in love. Where’s the sarcasm? The rudeness? The cuss words with “x” in place of the vowel that would make the word complete?”
Because:

1) I may be head over heels, my heart beats faster when He says my name, the reason behind Him calling me Lala makes me smile my “Asian”—(^_^)—smile but
2) I’ll have you know that I have not gone completely soft because
3) I’ll still x out my vowels and cuss yo’ ass out. It’s nothin’ to me.

All that aside though, I really miss Him. I haven’t talked to Q since V-day and I can’t get in touch with Him and I just…
FaceBook is on some other shxt I tell you. Yes, I did indeed just change the subject without a witty, random or sarcastic segue. Is that a problem for you? Anyway, back to the Book of Face.
I was trying to change my name to Egypt Sean Cotton because it makes me smile, but every time that I tried to do it, I would get hit with this message. Discouraged, I looked at my list of friends and, annoyed, I wrote the following status

and received the following comments
 

*looks at clock*
Yeah…I’m bored with this. I’m about to go reread Percy Jackson and The Olympians book four: The Battle of The Labyrinth, write another blog, wait for a phone call that’s not going to come because I’m lame like that and…who knows what else. I’m gone.
For now.