Sunday, April 4, 2010

Gee Aye Gee Me With a Eff Oh Are Kay

I’m going to find and destroy Lil Mama’s Bedazzler if it’s the last thing I do; I’m tired of being visually raped by rhinestones and plastic jewels every time I watch ABDC. Don’t make no damn sense; her ass should’ve grown out of that “Ooh, sparkly!!” phase by now gotdangit.


I’m bored and not feeling too well at the moment. I know I should be rewriting the two pages of “Goode Lovin’” that I accidently spilled tea on earlier, but I can’t motivate myself to to do it. I’m too lazy to even blame myself right now so I’ll instead hold Lil Mama and the Bedazzled, pastel pink monstrosity that she’s wearing responsible. Yeah, I know it’s a cop out but…so? If you’ve seen this season’s illusion episode, you’ll understand why I can’t turn my mind or my mechanical pencil back to rewriting the naming ceremony. Bxtch is wearing a phony gemstone encrusted bib thing over what appears to be a Pepto Bismol soaked Snuggie. Shxt’s distracting as all hell and not in a good way.


My head is killing me and even after a cup of mouthwash and three sticks of gum, I can’t shake that disgusting throw up taste that’s loitering in my mouth. Stupid Whiskey River BBQ burger from stupid Red Robin last night, made me miss Easter service this morning. True, I previously said that I wasn’t going to be attending since The Parental and The Sibling left me home alone this weekend and might’ve had a slight hangover to work off, but since I didn’t go anywhere last night, I changed my mind. I was getting ready to go earlier when blam!, I hit a fantastic Linda Blair impersonation. Ugh and eww.

Other than trying to rid the taste of puke from my mouth and attempting to figure out what goes through Lil Mama’s head when she picks out her clothes you know she ain’t got no stylist, I’m annoyed. As in majorly irked. The current source of my frustration is being an assfacebuttwad for no gotdang reason and in between random chunk blowing, I’ve been entertaining the thought of suffocating them with a marshmallow Peep all day.

See, I told them that what had happened wasn’t even that serious, but no, they wanna go and be all unnecessarily difficult and ergo stupid just because they can be.

Just like a frickin’ boy.

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