My Conscience Called in Sick Again

Which explains why I’m posting the following video and why we’re all about to go to hell for it. See, it’s a Friday night and as usual, I’m stuck here at the crib. I just got off the phone with my Twubby who’s gonna get kicked in the eye for making fun of my speech patterns and calling me yellow and I’m now chillin’ out maxin, relaxin’ all cool in my room and ruling over my queendom as the Phresh Princess of Lansing and The Surrounding Areas. Needless to say, Your Royal Adorableness, The (Infamous) One I is bored as all hell. So, I decided to snoop around that rancid cesspool of fxckery filled clips known as YouTube and I found…well, you take a look at it.

 

I was barely fifteen seconds in when I started shedding clothes because I could feel the flames of Hell licking at my soul as I watched in awe and thunderstruck amazement. This isn’t the first time that I’ve seen Pedro, no ma’am, but this is the first time I’ve ever seen him…dance and to be honest? This shxt left me gobsmacked.
Look, I’m not hatin’ on the physically handicapped. I don’t have the time nor the patience to deal with all the people who would come for my head if I were to do that, no. I’m not even hatin’ on Pedro because it had to take guts—why did I wish to be bad and say “but not legs”? Bad Ren, bad—to do that and my quote unquote able bodied ass isn’t even willing to do it. As a matter of fact, I’m not hating at all. I’m just a rather bored individual who happened to stumble upon this video during my foray for fxckery earlier. Don’t waste the brain cells that you can’t afford to waste getting mad at me. Instead, watch Pedro check up on it. If you actually allow yourself to listen to the lyrics of the song as he dances and permit yourself to wonder just what one could grab on him, you’re going to hell and I along with you because I wanted to know the exact same shxt.
♥

Ooh, He So…Artistic [?] Is That the Word I’m Lookin’ For?

*sigh*

I’m still not done wit’ my paper so this one shall be short. Don’t let your eyes or brain rejoice just yet though, I do have somethin’ for y’all to get into.

Kanye, Kanye, Kanye…

What the FXCK is this ish?

Let me finish this paper and maybe, just maybe I’ll have the words for this fxckery later on.

♥

I Can’t Do It

I tried y’all, I really, truly did. But it was just so hard. In the end…I had to give up. And I never give up.

But I bet you can’t do it either.

lmaoooooo!!!!
An actual post comin’ soon, might shoot my own vid tonight on the eve of my braces removal

:D

You-Tube Fuckery: When Bxtches Dance and Shouldn’t

*sighs and rolls eyes*

Bitches play too gotdang much y’all, I swear fo’ BOB that bitches are gon’ be the death of Ren. I don’t need a crystal ball to see that ish either; I’m predicting it right now. And when it’s time for me to be buried—in my Easter best thank you ma’am—I want my tombstone to read:
Here lies LauRen

The girl who loved…

and got done in by those damn slutfacedhobagslorebuckets

[1 word]

from You-Tube

May she rest in peace

Yeah…you’re right. That is kinda long. Guess they’ll have to use like a 5-point font or I’m gonna have to invest in a really large tombstone. Hmm…decisions, decisions.

Take a peep at the ish that’s gone send me to mine grave.

This heffa is Pee Are Ee Gee In Ay In Tea PREGNANT. Why in the name of Similac powder, breast pumps and pampers did this bitch think that this shit is alright? Someone answer me that shit. And why the Eff You See Kay FUCK is her cousin the one that is taping this fuckery? Somethin’ ain’t right wit’ this shit right here y’all. Please notice how this nigga is egging her, making her twerk harder if you will. But you know. He’s her cousin…I guess this is just cousinly love right?

*crickets sound in the distance*

All I have left to say is that I hope her baby pops out of her womb and proceeds to strangle the mother. Moving on…

her tats are random as hell. What in the world? I’m just all around confused right now.

*sigh* there are more examples. a lot more, but I’m on my way out the door so…layta.

This is the Kind of Shit That Irks Me

To set the record straight, I don’t exactly care for the videos of chicks twerkin’ it out for the niggas of You-Tube and Internetland, but I don’t have a problem wit’ them on a whole either. As a matter of fact, one of my gurlies is a twerker. Whateva. If I could move like that I might make a video or two showin’ off my skills. However, I can’t, so I won’t. I refuse to be the next Angelique
[the star of this post for those who forgot]
but that’s neither here nor there, peep the vid below. ↓↓↓
Did you peep what it was that she had her ass pointed at while she was dancing? If you say the bed and a laptop, ding ding ding, correct you are, however; that’s not the answer I’m lookin’ for. Look again…yep, that’s a baby on the bed being held by someone who should know better than to subject an impressionable youngster to suck fuckery. Actual people make me sick, a theoretical person would never do this in front of a child. Ugh.

You Too Can Learn How To Duke Da Devil For One Easy Payment of $29.95

This vid got me feelin' like I'm about to go to hell because I laughed so hard.



If you laughed like I did, you too will be headed to hell.
With a stick of dynamite in your hand.
And gasoline draws on.


I promise that my next post will be an actual blog. You know. With words.

YouTube Fuckery: Not Just For Dumb Bitches, Niggas Be Gettin' It In Too

[Turn my music off to watch the vids. Duh.]
What was it that possessed me to look around that cest pool and discover this filth?



How WRONG is it that they're dancin' wit' each other? Dancing with each other bare-chested with what appears to be a whole damn bottle of baby oil on them, in baggy ass sweats, plaid boxers and footsie socks might I add. If you said that the wrongness here was staggering then *ding ding ding* correct you are. Da hell is wrong wit' these niggas? Dancin' around their lil brothers bedroom lookin' all types of RAiNBOW.
Pause worthy foolishness if one were to ask me.



...These niggas are in a room together.
Alone.
Listening to Pretty Ricky.
One of them is in nothin' but a pair of shorts.
Again in his little brothers bed...
No intelligent words does Ren have for this.



Southeast Slim
[in "One Thing About a Playa" by Wale featuring him and Jae Millz] said
"I'm gettin' all W's like a Nationals Fitted"
However, You in the Nationals fitted, yes, you in the video, get nada but L's from me for thinkin' that this shit is alright. Matter of fact, ya whole damn crew has been rated a CERTiFiED FAiL by yours truly. I'm mad at the nigga that quipped,
"And yes we do have sex like this"

Um...Question(s)
How do you know how your boys have sex? Do you watch?
Are you the one they're havin' sex with?
What, let me kno somethin', I'm confused at that statement.
And what is with all that extra shit they apparently do in the bedroom? I understand a freak mentality--not even gonna go into that wit' y'all, tis for me and him to kno and for the rest of y'all to speculate about--but really now, these muhfuckas are takin' it too far if you ask me.
And Why doesn't Ol' Girl look interested in the least bit about the weird, freaky shit these niggas are doin' to her in time to "Chopped and Screwed"?
Anyways, this shit is obviously supposed to simulate sex, right? So...ya boy was just all up in the chick, now you go down on her? Tryin' to get a taste of some of his left overs? And word? You're gonna use your boy as a prop to do some acrobatic, totally extra bullshit?
Somebody let me know what the hell is goin' on. I need answers.

Damn you YouTube.

♥

ATTN: Dumb bitches and thirsty internet niggas...stay the FXCK off YouTube!

I know that I said that part 2 of the last post was comin' soon but guess what?
I lied, sorry.
I'll have to get the DVD of the performance so I can finish my thoughts on that one.
Now, onto today's post.

*sigh*
I'm at a place in my life where I just ask myself why. Like WHY do they allow idiots with misshapen bodies to post offensive material on YouTube? WHY do they think that shit like that is sexy? WHY are all these thirsty ass internet niggas gassin' up these dumb bitches heads?
So, it must've been a month ago, give or take, when my boy Evan sent me this random ass video. I went to go look at it and I died from the hideousness and the recklessness of it all for about 35 seconds.
Peep it if you dare then keep reading.
BTW, Evan? I shall spoon your eyes out with a spork--wait, would I spork them out? hmm--for sendin' me this shit. Asshole.
[Oh yeah...turn off my music to view the vids. Don't be slow]




I couldn't look at her anymore so I scanned the comments she received and I felt parched from the thirstiness I was witnessing. This lopsided ass cheek havin', I'm like 18 with a deflated Hello Kitty balloon on my wall and I look like I sit in my room and eat bananas all damn day ass bitch has niggas sayin' shit like
"I wanna pay yo' bills"
and
""Baby that vid iz one of the sexiest vidz I have ever seen on here. You make me want to f**k baby, and I do mean F**KKK!"

...So, this is what's sexy in 09?
Double you-Tea-Eff is that shit?
Really?
I mean word?
Ren wishes that she could say that that was the only video this poor, dazed and oh so very confused girl put online but...it'd be a damn lie. If you have the stomach for it, peep the rest of this fuckery. If not, scroll to the bottom of the post.



I myself am insulted that dude, slimgooodbody, said she was the nicest lookin' thick chick he's seen in his life. Me? Thick as a muhfucka and cute on top of it, but I mean, if thats what niggas are into these days, how can I compete?
Oh well, I ain't checkin' fo' y'all no way, I'm taken.





chestax says, "YO its sumthin seriously wrong with this bitch ass!! but i would fuck"
DA HELL??
I rebuke this spirit of thirstiness. Amen.



Questions I had after viewing this particular vid:
What the hell is that squeakin' sound?
Why the fuck is she not rockin' her hips to "Rock Yo' Hips"?
Am I the only one who notices the stickers and shit on her wall?
Why does it look like she's dancin' on one of these floor lamps

instead of a pole?



THiS DUMB BiTCH CALLED THE ViD "Organism" iNSTEAD OF ORGASM!
How the hell are you gonna fake somethin' that yo' remedial, I have a lifetime pass for the short bus let me make sure I got my helmet wit' me ass can't spell?

There are so many things that I could say right now. SO many things, but, I can't do it so I won't get into it. I wish that my laptop wasn't on crack at the moment (those fuckfaced bastards at Dell are REALLY pissin' me off smh) so I could upload the vid that I shot in response to this bullshit (turns out, y'all like my lil cracktarded vids. Makes me smile that does ☺ lol)
As a matter of fact...let me find a flash drive and bring it over to the desktop that I'm currently sitting at so I can upload it. It'll be up soon.
I promise
*crosses fingers behind back*
lol
♥

You ever had one of those days...

I'm goin' through somethin' right now and I needed somethin' to take my mind off it all. So, I'm doin' what I normally do when I feel upset/sad/depressed:
laugh at the misfortune of others.
Hey, some people eat icecream, I like to watch shit like this


To each their own

Um...what were the Japanese thinkin?

This is like an acid trip gone awry.
If you make it through all 5:18 seconds, I applaud you.

Yeah...this officially makes it into my
Damn, FORREAL?
file lol
♥